“If he’s perfect but can’t video call, he’s not perfect. He’s a problem.”
Listen, I know you’re out here swiping, sliding into DMs, and maybe even meeting people in those random Discord servers. The internet is the new campus quad, and I get it. But sis, we need to have a real talk about romance scams. Not the cheesy, obvious ones from movies, but the slick, emotionally intelligent ones designed specifically for smart women like you.
These aren’t just “send me iTunes cards” scams anymore. They’re long games. They’ll talk to you for months. They’ll remember your dog’s name and ask about your big presentation. They’ll build a whole imaginary future with you, all to drain your savings, your self-esteem, or both. Romance scams are a billion-dollar industry, and young women are the primary target. Yeah, let that sink in.
How Do You Even Spot a Modern Romance Scam?
The script has changed. It’s not the prince from a faraway land. Now, he’s a crypto trader, a deployed soldier, a model on a photoshoot, or an engineer working on an oil rig. He’s got a great job, he’s emotionally available from day one, and he love-bombs you so hard you get dizzy.
The biggest red flag? The story always has a built-in excuse for why you can’t meet in person or have a normal, live video call. “The Wi-Fi on the rig is terrible, baby.” “My camera is broken.” “The military base has security restrictions.” They’ll send you pictures, they’ll voice note you, but a real-time, spontaneous FaceTime? Suddenly, it’s a whole crisis.
💡 Quick Tip
Do a reverse image search. Right-click on their profile pic or any photo they send you and “Search Image with Google.” If that face belongs to a stock photo model or an influencer from another country, you just saved yourself months of heartache.
The second red flag is the money talk. It starts small and “logical.” He can’t access his account because he’s deployed. There’s a fee to release his contract earnings. He needs a little help to buy a plane ticket to finally see you. He sees a crypto investment opportunity “for your future” but needs you to put in the initial funds.
💊 What Works: Airtags or Tile Trackers – Okay, hear me out. This isn’t for *him*. If you ever decide to meet someone from an app IRL (and you tell your girls EVERY detail first), slip one of these in your bag. It’s a cheap safety net so your best friend can see your location in real-time. Peace of mind is priceless, sis.
What Actually Works to Protect Yourself
Protection starts before you even catch feelings. It’s a mindset. You have to go in knowing that people lie on the internet. Not to be cynical, but to be smart. Your guard isn’t a wall; it’s a filter. It lets the good stuff in and catches the bullsh*t.
First, keep the conversation on the platform where you met for a good while. If they immediately want to jump to WhatsApp or Telegram, pause. Scammers love encrypted apps because it’s harder to report and trace. It’s also a way to get you away from the safety features of the dating app.
Second, get specific about their life. Ask about the coffee shop on the corner near where they “live.” What’s their favorite bodega order? Who did they vote for in the last local city council election? A scammer working from a script can’t handle hyper-local, mundane details. They’ll deflect or get the “facts” wrong.
$1.3 Billion
That’s how much people lost to romance scams last year reported to the FTC. The real number is way higher out of sheer embarrassment.
Third, and I cannot stress this enough: NO MONEY. EVER. Not for a surgery, not for a visa, not for a “prove your love” test, not for an “investment.” A real man who likes you will be MORTIFIED at the idea of asking you for money, especially early on. Your Venmo, CashApp, or PayPal is for splitting rent with your roommate and paying your friend back for tacos. Full stop.
The Truth Nobody Tells You
Here’s the real talk, girl. These scammers are good because they prey on something very real: our desire to be seen, loved, and chosen. When you’re stressed about finals, feeling lonely in a new city, or just tired of the situationships around you, a person who seems perfect and devoted is like a drug.
They are professional manipulators. They have entire playbooks called “scam scripts.” The fact that you might get fooled isn’t a reflection of your intelligence. It’s a reflection of their full-time job being to manipulate emotions. They study what works. They know which lines make you feel special.
“The most dangerous romance scams don’t just want your rent money. They want your confidence, so you stay quiet and ashamed.”
The other hard truth? If it happens to you, you are NOT alone. The shame is what keeps people silent and lets these predators keep operating. You wouldn’t blame yourself if someone pickpocketed your phone. This is emotional pickpocketing. The first step to taking your power back is talking about it.
This is the kind of stuff women talk about inside TechMae every single day. No judgment, just real ones keeping it real. We break down the scripts, share the red flags we missed, and build each other’s confidence back up.
Related: This post is a must-read for women on their journey to trusting their own intuition again.
Start Here: Your 3-Step Shield
Don’t get overwhelmed. Start with these three non-negotiable actions. Make them a habit, like checking your bank account or charging your phone.
Why This Works:
✅ It creates space. Love-bombing needs immediate intensity to work. Slowing it down breaks the spell.
✅ It uses community. Your girls will see what you can’t when you’re in the feels. Use their eyes.
✅ It documents everything. If you need to report a romance scam, screenshots are your evidence. Save them in a folder.
Step 1: The 48-Hour Rule. Before you get deep, before you share vulnerable stuff, make yourself wait 48 hours from the first “wow” feeling. Use that time to do the reverse image search, stalk their socials (are they tagged in real photos by real friends?), and sit with the vibe. Is the connection growing steadily, or did it go 0 to 100 in an hour?
Step 2: The Council of Sisters. Send his profile and a few convo snippets to your most skeptical, no-nonsense friend. The one who doesn’t gush. Say “Hey, I’m talking to this guy. Can you look with fresh eyes and tell me if you see any weirdness?” Listen to her. If she says something’s off, trust her.
Step 3: The Video Call Veto. Make a live video call a non-negotiable step before you consider yourself “in a situationship” or before any talk of meeting. It doesn’t have to be an hour-long deep dive. A 10-minute “hey, show me what you’re cooking” call is fine. If they refuse, vanish. You just filtered out a huge percentage of romance scams.
You might also love this article – one of our most shared. Because getting your own bag is the ultimate protection, period.
This Is Your Sign to Stop Doing It Alone
Women inside TechMae have been exactly where you are. We’ve ignored the red flags, felt the shame, and learned the hard lessons. Now we watch each other’s backs. Come find your people.
