Anxiety Tips That Women Actually Swear By

Sis, I need you to hear something and hear it good. You are not “the anxious one.” You are not doomed to be the girl who overthinks every text, spirals before every exam, and cancels plans because your brain convinced you everyone secretly hates you. That is not who you are. That is a pattern. And patterns? Girl, you can break those.

I know because I used to introduce myself like anxiety was a core trait. “Hey I’m Mae, I have anxiety, I’m kind of a mess.” Cute little disclaimer I’d throw out before anyone could figure it out themselves. But here is what nobody told me — wearing your anxiety like a badge of honor keeps you stuck in it. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. You stop trying to change it because you’ve decided it’s just… you.

And I am not saying that to shame you. I am saying it because I wish someone had grabbed me by the shoulders at 19 and told me to stop making my anxiety my whole personality. Because once you untangle the two? That is when the real work starts.

When Did Your Anxiety Start Feeling Like a Personality Trait?

Think about it. When was the first time you said “I’m just an anxious person” like it was written in your DNA? Maybe it was after a bad breakup. Maybe it was during freshman year when you were drowning in 8 AMs and a roommate who never washed her dishes. Maybe it was after a panic attack in a library bathroom that you still think about sometimes.

Here is the thing — your brain is not broken. It is doing exactly what it evolved to do: keep you safe. But your brain does not know the difference between a real threat (like a car speeding toward you) and a perceived threat (like a text that reads “we need to talk”). It just floods you with cortisol and tells you to panic. And if you never challenge that response, you start to believe the panic IS you.

I want you to think about your friendships for a second. Do you have that one friend who you always have to reassure? The one who texts you 47 times asking if you’re mad when you literally just took a nap? The one whose anxiety becomes the center of every hangout? Now ask yourself — are you that friend to yourself? Are you the person in your own head who keeps the anxiety going because it feels familiar?

Because here is the truth I learned the hard way: your anxiety will take up exactly as much space as you let it. If you give it the mic, it will scream. If you let it drive, it will take you in circles. But you are the one who decides who gets the keys.

The Difference Between Anxiety and Intuition

Okay this part is important so listen close. One of the biggest traps when you have chronic anxiety is that you stop trusting yourself. You start second-guessing every feeling. “Is this anxiety or is this my gut telling me something?” And that confusion keeps you frozen.

Here is how I learned to tell the difference. Anxiety feels urgent, scattered, and repetitive. It loops. It says the same thing over and over like a broken record. “What if he leaves? What if I fail? What if everyone finds out I’m a fraud?” It is loud and it is exhausting.

Intuition? Intuition is quiet. It is a single sentence that lands like a stone in still water. It does not beg you to listen. It just sits there, calm and certain. “This job is not right for you.” “Something about that guy feels off.” “You are going to be okay.”

The more you practice untangling the two, the better you get at trusting yourself again. And that is the real goal here — not to eliminate anxiety completely, but to stop letting it drown out your actual voice.

That stat wrecked me when I first saw it. Because I thought I was the only one who had turned down opportunities because my anxiety convinced me I wasn’t ready. I turned down a study abroad program because I was terrified of flying. I didn’t apply for a scholarship I was more than qualified for because the application felt “too overwhelming.” I said no to a date with a genuinely good guy because my brain convinced me he would figure out I was boring within five minutes.

Do you see the pattern? Anxiety does not just sit in your head and whisper. It makes decisions FOR you. It shrinks your world. And the worst part? You don’t even realize it’s happening because you’ve normalized it. You think “that’s just how I am.” But what if it’s not? What if you have just been running on autopilot with a faulty navigation system?

What Actually Works When Your Anxiety Feels Too Loud

Alright, let’s get practical because I know you did not click on this just to feel seen. You want to know what to actually DO when your anxiety is screaming and you cannot find the off switch.

First thing — stop trying to calm down. I am serious. Telling yourself to calm down when you are in fight-or-flight mode is like telling a car to stop when it’s going 90 miles an hour. Your nervous system does not respond to logic in that moment. It responds to safety signals.

So instead of “calm down,” try this. Name three things you can see. Three things you can hear. Three things you can physically feel. Your foot on the floor. The fabric of your shirt. The air on your skin. This is called grounding and it works because it forces your brain to shift from the threat narrative (which is happening in your imagination) to the present moment (which is usually fine).

Second thing — stop googling your symptoms. I know you do it. I did it too. “Why does my chest hurt? Is this a heart attack or anxiety?” Girl, if you have googled “anxiety symptoms” more than three times in the last month, you are feeding the beast. Every time you search for reassurance, you train your brain that this is a threat worth investigating. You are literally strengthening the neural pathway of anxiety. Stop. If you are genuinely worried about a physical symptom, see a doctor. Do not ask Dr. Google.

Third thing — and this one is going to annoy you — move your body. I know you are tired. I know you do not want to. I know the last thing you feel like doing when your anxiety is high is going for a walk or doing a YouTube workout. But here is the science: your body stores cortisol (the stress hormone) in your muscles. When you move, you physically metabolize that cortisol out of your system. You are literally sweating out the anxiety. It is not woo-woo. It is biology.

What Anxiety Tells You To Do	What Actually Helps
❌ Scroll social media for hours	✅ 10 minute walk outside with no phone
❌ Replay conversations in your head	✅ Write it down and close the notebook
❌ Ask friends for reassurance repeatedly	✅ Ask yourself: “What would I tell my best friend?”
❌ Cancel plans to “rest”	✅ Go anyway and leave early if you need to

The Truth Nobody Tells You About Anxiety and Your 20s

Here is what I wish someone had told me at 20. Your anxiety is not a life sentence. It is a response to a nervous system that has been on high alert for too long. And that high alert? It came from somewhere. Maybe you grew up in a house where you had to walk on eggshells. Maybe you experienced something traumatic that your brain never fully processed. Maybe you have been carrying the weight of being the “responsible one” since you were a kid.

Your anxiety is not random. It is a message. And once you stop treating it like a personality flaw and start treating it like data, you can actually do something with it.

I want you to think about what your anxiety specifically focuses on. Is it social situations? Is it your performance at school or work? Is it your health? Is it your relationships? Because your anxiety has a theme. And that theme is a clue. If your anxiety is always about being judged, you probably learned early that your worth depended on what other people thought of you. If your anxiety is about failing, you probably had someone who made you feel like mistakes were unacceptable.

Your anxiety is not a random glitch. It is a learned response that once served a purpose. And if it was learned, it can be unlearned. That is not toxic positivity. That is neuroplasticity. Your brain can change. It changes every time you practice a new response.

I remember the exact moment I realized my anxiety was not my identity. I was sitting in my car outside a coffee shop, about to meet a friend I had not seen in years. My heart was pounding. My palms were sweating. My brain was feeding me a highlight reel of every awkward thing I had ever said. And I just thought: “This is not me. This is fear. And fear is a liar.” I went inside. I had a good time. And the next time the anxiety showed up, I recognized it faster. It did not disappear. But it stopped being the main character in my story.

Start Here: One Thing You Can Do Today

I want you to do something right now. Like, after you finish reading this. I want you to identify ONE area of your life where you have been letting your anxiety make decisions for you. Maybe it is the class you are too scared to speak up in. Maybe it is the conversation you have been avoiding with your roommate. Maybe it is the creative project you keep pushing to “someday.”

Write it down. And then write down one small action you can take in the next 24 hours that moves toward it, not away from it. It does not have to be big. It can be sending a text. It can be raising your hand once. It can be opening a blank document and writing one sentence. The point is not the size of the action. The point is proving to your brain that you are not helpless. That you can feel the anxiety AND take the step anyway.

You might also love this article — one of our most shared. It is about how to actually figure out who you are when you have spent years defining yourself by your anxiety and your coping mechanisms. Spoiler: there is a whole person under there who has been waiting to be seen.

And if you are reading this thinking “okay but my anxiety is actually severe and I need professional help” — then I see you and I am proud of you for recognizing that. Therapy is not a sign of failure. It is a sign that you are done suffering in silence. If you have access to a counselor, use it. If you do not, check if your school offers free mental health services. Many do. And if you are in crisis, please text HOME to 741741 or call 988. You are not a burden. You are not too much. You are a human being who deserves support.

This is the kind of stuff women talk about inside TechMae every single day. No judgment, just real ones keeping it real. Because we all grew up thinking we were the only ones who felt this way. And we were all wrong.

Related: This post is a must-read for women on their journey. Because when you stop running on anxiety and caffeine, you finally have the energy to actually build the life you want.