Anxiety: What I Would Tell My Younger Self

Sis, I need you to sit with that for a second. Because I spent way too many years thinking I was just a “worrier” when really, I was dealing with anxiety that had me stuck in a loop. And the difference between the two? That distinction changed everything for me.

You know that feeling when your heart starts racing before you even know why? Or when you’re lying in bed at 2 AM replaying a conversation from three years ago? That’s not worry, girl. That’s your anxiety trying to protect you from a threat that isn’t there. And the worst part? Nobody taught us how to tell them apart.

So let’s break this down like we’re on FaceTime and I’m passing you my notes from therapy, because this is the kind of stuff I wish someone had told me when I was 19, crying in my dorm bathroom because I couldn’t figure out why I felt like I was drowning every single day for no reason.

What Is Worry, Actually?

Worry is your brain doing its job. It’s a response to something specific and real. You have a midterm tomorrow that you didn’t study enough for — you worry. Your rent check bounced — you worry. Your roommate left the stove on — you worry. Worry has a target. It’s like a GPS that says “hey, there’s a problem here, let’s figure it out.”

Worry is productive. It motivates you to study, to call your landlord, to check the stove. It comes, you handle it, and it leaves. It doesn’t overstay its welcome. You don’t wake up the next morning still worried about that same stove unless something actually happened.

Think about the last time you were worried about something real. Maybe it was a job interview, or a fight with your mom, or figuring out how to pay for textbooks. That worry probably pushed you to prepare, to apologize, to find a solution. That’s worry doing what it’s supposed to do. It’s a tool, not a trap.

And Anxiety? That’s a Whole Different Beast

Anxiety doesn’t need a reason. It shows up uninvited, like that one friend who crashes your apartment and eats all your snacks without asking. Anxiety is a general state of alert. Your body is in fight-or-flight mode, but there’s no bear in front of you. No deadline. No actual threat. Just this constant hum of “something bad is going to happen” and you can’t figure out what it is.

Here’s where it gets real. Anxiety doesn’t respond to logic. You can tell yourself “everything is fine” a hundred times, and your body will still be trembling. You can have zero problems in your life and still feel like you’re about to fall apart. That’s because anxiety lives in your nervous system, not in your thoughts. It’s a physical response that hijacks your brain, not a rational evaluation of your circumstances.

I remember a time in college when I had literally nothing stressful going on. Good grades, stable friends, enough money for ramen. And I still woke up every morning with my chest tight and this feeling of dread that I couldn’t shake. I thought I was broken. I thought something was wrong with me because I had no reason to feel that way. Turns out, that’s just what anxiety does. It doesn’t need a reason. It creates its own weather.

Yeah, that stat hit me hard too. You are not alone. You are not weird. You are not “too sensitive” or “dramatic.” You are part of a massive group of young women who are navigating a world that constantly tells us we need to be perfect, productive, and put-together, while giving us zero tools to deal with the mental load that comes with that pressure.

And here’s the thing nobody tells you: anxiety often hides as “being prepared” or “caring too much” or “just being responsible.” You might think you’re just being thorough when you check your email seventeen times before sending it. You might think you’re just being cautious when you avoid social situations because “what if something goes wrong?” But that’s your anxiety talking, and it’s keeping you small.

How to Tell Them Apart in Real Time

I’m going to give you a framework that my therapist gave me, and I swear it changed my life. It’s called the “3 Question Test.” When you feel that familiar tightness in your chest, ask yourself these three questions:

1. Is there a specific, real event or situation causing this feeling? If yes, it’s probably worry. If no, or if it’s vague like “everything” or “I don’t know,” it’s likely anxiety.

2. Can I do something about it right now? Worry usually has a solution. You can study, you can send that text, you can make a plan. Anxiety doesn’t have a clear action step because there’s no clear problem.

3. Will this feeling pass if I distract myself? Worry usually fades when you focus on something else. Anxiety tends to stick around, even when you’re watching your favorite show or hanging out with friends.

Worry	Anxiety
✅ Has a specific cause	❌ Feels general or unexplained
✅ Motivates action	❌ Paralyzes or overwhelms
✅ Fades after problem is solved	❌ Lingers even when things are fine
✅ Responds to logic	❌ Ignores logic, lives in the body

This table is your cheat sheet. Screenshot it. Save it. Use it the next time you feel that familiar knot in your stomach. Because knowing what you’re dealing with is the first step to actually dealing with it.

What Actually Works When Anxiety Shows Up

Listen, I’m not going to tell you to “just breathe” or “think positive thoughts.” If that worked, none of us would be in this mess. Anxiety is a physical experience, and it needs physical interventions. Here’s what actually helped me, and what the research backs up for young women like us.

1. The 5-4-3-2-1 Grounding Technique — This is not some woo-woo nonsense. This is a proven method to pull your brain out of the anxiety spiral and back into the present moment. When you feel that wave coming, stop and name: 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste. It forces your brain to engage with reality instead of the fictional disaster it’s creating.

2. Cold Water on Your Wrists — Your anxiety is a physiological response. Your body is flooding with cortisol and adrenaline. Running cold water over your wrists for 30 seconds literally activates your parasympathetic nervous system (the “rest and digest” mode) and tells your body “we are safe now.” It’s like a hard reset button.

3. The Anxiety Log — This changed everything for me. Get a notebook or use a notes app. Every time you feel that anxiety spike, write down: the time, what you were doing, what you were thinking, and what physical sensations you felt. After a week, look for patterns. You might notice that your anxiety spikes every Sunday night (anticipating the week) or after you scroll through Instagram (comparison). Once you know the pattern, you can prepare for it.

The Truth Nobody Tells You About Anxiety

Here’s the thing they don’t put on the inspirational Instagram posts. Anxiety doesn’t go away forever. You don’t “cure” it like you cure a cold. You learn to manage it. You learn to recognize it. You learn to ride the wave instead of fighting it. And that’s not a failure — that’s growth.

I used to think that if I just tried hard enough, meditated enough, or took the right supplements, I would wake up one day and never feel anxious again. That’s not how it works. Anxiety is part of being human, especially for women who are constantly navigating a world that wasn’t built for us. The goal isn’t to eliminate it. The goal is to stop letting it run your life.

And can we talk about the shame around anxiety for a second? Because I know you’ve felt it. That voice that says “why can’t you just be normal?” or “other people have real problems, why are you like this?” That shame is a liar. Your anxiety is not a character flaw. It’s not a sign that you’re weak. It’s a sign that you’re a human being with a nervous system that’s trying to protect you, even if it’s doing a terrible job at it.

Think about how you talk to your best friend when she’s spiraling. You don’t tell her she’s broken. You don’t tell her to “just calm down.” You sit with her. You bring her tea. You tell her she’s going to be okay. Why can’t you do that for yourself? Why is your inner voice so much harsher than the voice you use for the people you love?

That’s the work, sis. That’s the real work. Learning to be gentle with yourself when your brain is screaming at you. Learning to say “I see you, anxiety, but I’m still going to show up for my life anyway.”

What Your Anxiety Is Actually Trying to Tell You

This is the part nobody talks about. Anxiety is not your enemy. It’s a messenger. And sometimes, if you can get quiet enough to listen, it’s telling you something important. Maybe it’s telling you that you’re in a situation that isn’t right for you. Maybe it’s telling you that you’ve been ignoring your own needs. Maybe it’s telling you that you need to set a boundary, quit that job, end that relationship, or finally ask for help.

I had a friend whose anxiety was through the roof every time she had to see her boyfriend. She thought she was just an anxious person. Turns out, her body was trying to tell her that he was emotionally manipulative and she didn’t feel safe. Once she left him, her anxiety dropped by 80%. Sometimes your anxiety is the only voice telling you the truth when your brain is busy making excuses.

But here’s the tricky part. Not all anxiety is a message. Sometimes it’s just your nervous system being dysregulated because you’ve been running on caffeine and four hours of sleep for a week. Sometimes it’s because you haven’t eaten in eight hours and your blood sugar is crashing. Sometimes it’s because you’re carrying the weight of everyone else’s expectations and you haven’t given yourself permission to put it down.

Start Here: Your 5-Minute Anxiety Reset

I know you’re busy. I know you don’t have time for a full meditation practice or a therapy appointment every week (though if you can, please do). So here’s a 5-minute reset you can do right now, in your dorm room, in your car, in the bathroom at work, or in your bed at 2 AM when anxiety has you wide awake.

Minute 1: Name it. Say out loud or in your head “I am feeling anxious right now. That is a sensation in my body, not a fact about my life.”

Minute 2: Breathe differently. Not deep breaths — that can actually make anxiety worse for some people. Try box breathing: inhale for 4 counts, hold for 4, exhale for 4, hold for 4. Repeat.

Minute 3: Move your body. Shake out your hands. Roll your shoulders. Stand up and stretch. Anxiety gets trapped in your muscles. Physical movement releases it.

Minute 4: Ground yourself. Use the 5-4-3-2-1 technique I mentioned earlier. Name what’s real around you.

Minute 5: Ask yourself “What do I need right now?” Not what you should do. What do you actually need? Water? A blanket? To text a friend? To cancel a plan? Honor that.

That’s it. Five minutes. You can do anything for five minutes. And the more you practice this, the faster you’ll be able to catch yourself when anxiety starts to take over.

You might also love this article — one of our most shared. Because financial stress is a huge anxiety trigger, and having your own money changes everything.

This is the kind of stuff women talk about inside TechMae every single day. No judgment, just real ones keeping it real. We talk about the anxiety that shows up before a big presentation, the worry that keeps you up at night about your future, and everything in between. Because you shouldn’t have to figure this out alone.

Related: This post is a must-read for women on their journey. It’s about the kind of self-discovery that actually changes your life, not just the surface-level stuff.

Sis, I’m going to leave you with this. The difference between worry and anxiety isn’t just a clinical distinction. It’s a lifeline. When you know what you’re dealing with, you stop fighting the wrong battle. You stop trying to “fix” something that isn’t broken. You start treating your anxiety like a weather pattern instead of a personal failure.

Some days the anxiety will be a drizzle. Some days it will be a storm. But you are not the weather. You are the one who shows up with an umbrella, or stays inside when you need to, or dances in the rain because you refuse to let it steal your joy. You get to decide how you respond. And that, right there, is your power.

You’ve got this. And if you don’t feel like you’ve got it today, that’s okay too. You’re still here. You’re still trying. And that’s more than enough.