“Networking isn’t about collecting business cards. It’s about collecting people who will tell you the truth about the room you’re trying to get into.”
Okay sis, let’s talk about the word that makes most of us want to crawl under our dorm bed and never come out: networking.
I know. Your palms are already sweaty just reading this. You’re picturing a room full of people in blazers who all seem to know each other, and you’re standing by the snack table pretending to check an urgent text. Or maybe you’re thinking about sending a LinkedIn message to someone you admire and staring at the “connect” button for 45 minutes before closing the app entirely.
Here’s the thing nobody tells you: the people who are “good” at networking feel just as awkward as you do. The difference? They figured out a secret that makes it not feel like a performance. And I’m gonna hand it to you right now.
Why Does Networking Feel So… Icky?
Let’s call it what it is. The reason networking feels fake is because we’ve been taught to approach it like a transaction. “I need something from this person, so I have to act like someone I’m not to get it.” That’s not connection. That’s a sales pitch with your soul on the line.
And when you’re already dealing with imposter syndrome, tuition stress, roommate drama, and trying to figure out if you should text that guy back — adding “pretend to be a confident professional” to the list feels like too much.
I remember being 20 years old at my first career fair. I had borrowed a blazer that was two sizes too big, my hands were shaking, and I walked past the table of the company I actually wanted to work for three times before I finally grabbed a water cup and pretended I was hydrating. I left with zero connections and a deep sense of shame. Sound familiar?
💡 Quick Tip
The next time you’re at a networking event, find one other person who looks as uncomfortable as you feel. Walk up and say, “I’m honestly so nervous right now, are you?” You’ll instantly have an ally. Misery loves company, and so does genuine connection.
The Reframe That Changes Everything
Here’s the mindset shift that literally changed my life and made networking go from “I’d rather take a final I didn’t study for” to “okay, this is actually kinda interesting.”
Stop thinking about networking as you trying to get something from someone. Start thinking about it as you trying to learn something from someone. The goal isn’t to get a job. The goal is to get a story. To get a piece of advice. To understand how someone else navigated the exact same mess you’re in right now.
When you shift from “I need this person to like me so they give me a job” to “I’m genuinely curious about how this person got here,” everything changes. Your body relaxes. Your voice stops shaking. You become a person someone actually wants to talk to — because you’re being a real human being.
💊 What Works: The 2-Hour Job Search by Steve Dalton – This book completely rewired how I think about networking. It gives you a literal script for reaching out to people without feeling cringe. I’ve recommended it to at least 15 girlfriends and every single one said it changed the game. Worth every penny.
What Actually Works: The TechMae Method for Real Networking
Alright, let’s get practical. Here’s exactly what I do — and what I teach the women inside TechMae — when I need to network without feeling like I’m selling my soul.
Step 1: Start with people you already know. I know this sounds obvious, but most people skip this. Your professor who you actually liked? Your old boss from the summer job? Your friend’s mom who works in your dream industry? Those are warm leads. Send them a text or email that says: “Hey, I’m trying to learn more about [field]. Would you have 15 minutes to tell me about your journey?” That’s it. No pressure. No ask for a job. Just curiosity.
Step 2: Use the “I’m researching” hack. When you reach out to someone you don’t know, never say “I’m looking for a job.” Say “I’m researching careers in X field and your path really stood out to me.” People LOVE talking about themselves. They love feeling like a mentor. Frame it as you learning from their wisdom, and they’ll open up like a faucet.
Step 3: Prepare three questions. Before any networking conversation — whether it’s a coffee chat, a LinkedIn message, or an actual event — write down three questions you actually want the answer to. Not generic ones. Real ones. Like “What’s something you wish you knew at my age?” or “What’s the biggest myth about your industry?” or “What’s a skill you think is underrated?” These questions make you memorable because they show you’re thinking deeply.
85% of jobs are filled through networking — not applications.
Yeah, that’s wild right? Let that sink in. The resume you’ve been perfecting for hours? It matters way less than the conversations you’re avoiding.
The Truth Nobody Tells You About Networking
Here’s the insider tip that changed everything for me: the best networking happens when you’re not trying to network at all.
Some of my most valuable professional connections came from:
– A random comment I left on someone’s Instagram post about burnout
– A DM I sent to a woman whose newsletter I loved, just saying “this resonated so much”
– A conversation at a friend’s birthday party where I happened to mention I was struggling with something and the girl next to me said “oh my god, me too”
– A Twitter thread I responded to with a genuine question
Networking is just relationship building with a different label. And you already know how to build relationships. You do it every day with your friends, your classmates, your coworkers. The only difference is you’ve convinced yourself that professional relationships require a different, more polished version of you. They don’t. They require the version of you that’s curious, kind, and real.
“The most powerful networking move you can make is to follow up with something that shows you were actually listening. Not ‘thanks for your time.’ But ‘I took your advice about X and here’s what happened.’ That’s how you become unforgettable.”
How to Network When You’re an Introvert (or Just Tired)
Girl, I hear you. Not all of us are natural social butterflies. Some of us need a nap after one conversation. Some of us rehearse what we’re going to say in the shower and still mess it up. That’s okay.
For my fellow introverts: networking doesn’t have to be loud. You don’t have to work the room. You don’t have to shake every hand. You can have one meaningful conversation with one person and leave. That’s a win. Quality over quantity is not just a cliché — it’s the actual strategy that works.
Here’s a script for the introvert-friendly networking approach:
– At an event: Find a corner, take a breath, and approach ONE person. Say: “Hi, I’m [name]. I don’t love these big events, but I figured I’d come anyway. What brought you here?”
– On LinkedIn: Send a message that says: “Hi [name], I’ve been following your work on [topic] and I love your perspective. I’m early in my career and would love to hear how you got started. No pressure to reply, but if you have 10 minutes, I’d be grateful.”
– After a panel or talk: Wait until most people leave, then approach the speaker and say: “I really appreciated what you said about [specific point]. I’ve been thinking about that a lot.”
The key is to be low-pressure. You’re not asking for a favor. You’re offering appreciation and curiosity. That’s disarming. That’s human.
Why This Approach Works:
✅ You take the pressure off yourself to be “on” — you just have to be curious
✅ You make the other person feel valued instead of used
✅ You build real relationships that last beyond one interaction
✅ You actually enjoy the process instead of dreading it
This is the kind of stuff women talk about inside TechMae every single day. No judgment, just real ones keeping it real.
Related: This post is a must-read for women on their journey.
