“Your purpose is not a destination you arrive at. It is a conversation you keep showing up to.”
Let me guess. You are sitting there scrolling, watching everyone else post their 5-year plans, their dream internships, their “I found my calling” TED Talk energy, and you feel like you missed the memo. Like everyone got a script for life except you.
Girl, I have been there. And here is the thing nobody tells you about finding your purpose — it is not a lightning bolt moment. It is not a single career path or a major you declare sophomore year. It is a practice. And you are not behind. You are right on time.
The reason you feel lost is not because you lack potential. It is because you have been told your purpose has to be one big, shiny, marketable thing. And that is a lie. Let me show you what actually works.
Why You Feel So Lost (And It Is Not Your Fault)
First, let us talk about what is actually happening in your brain. You are between 16 and 25. Your prefrontal cortex — the part of your brain that handles long-term planning, impulse control, and decision-making — is literally still developing. That is not a dig. That is science. You are trying to figure out your entire life with a brain that is still under construction.
Second, you have been sold a lie about purpose. Social media, your well-meaning aunt, even your career center — they all make it sound like you need to have a single, clear, passion-driven mission that pays your bills and fulfills your soul. That is not how it works for 99% of people.
The truth? Your purpose is probably a combination of things you are good at, things that energize you, and things that help other people. It evolves. It changes as you do. And trying to lock it down at 19 is like trying to pick your favorite food for the rest of your life before you have ever tried sushi.
💡 Quick Tip
Stop asking “What is my purpose?” Start asking “What feels interesting right now?” Curiosity is a much better compass than certainty. Follow the thing that makes you lose track of time for 30 minutes, not the thing you think looks good on a resume.
The “Passion” Trap That Keeps You Stuck
Here is something I wish someone had told me at 20. The whole “follow your passion” advice is actually kind of dangerous. It assumes you already know what your passion is. And if you do not, it makes you feel broken.
A Stanford study actually found that people who believe passions are fixed — like you either have one or you do not — are less likely to explore new things. They get stuck. Meanwhile, people who see passion as something you develop over time are way more likely to find work they love. So if you feel lost, it might be because you are waiting to “discover” your purpose instead of building it.
Think about it this way. Nobody wakes up knowing how to be a great friend, a great partner, or a great professional. You learn by doing. You try things. You fail. You adjust. Your purpose works the exact same way.
💊 What Works: The Defining Decade by Meg Jay – This book changed how I think about my 20s. It is not about having everything figured out. It is about using this decade to build a foundation. No fluff, just real research on why your 20s matter more than you think and exactly what to do with them.
What Actually Works When You Feel Lost
Okay, so we have talked about the problem. Now let me give you something you can actually use. Because I know you do not need another motivational quote. You need a plan.
Here are three steps that have helped thousands of women in the TechMae community move from “I have no idea what I am doing” to “I have a direction and I feel good about it.”
Step 1: Audit your energy, not your resume. Most people try to find their purpose by looking at what they are “supposed” to do. Stop. Instead, look at what actually gives you energy. For one week, write down three things every day: What drained you? What energized you? What made you lose track of time? Patterns will emerge. That is your data.
Step 2: Run small experiments. You do not need to quit your job or change your major to figure out your purpose. You need low-stakes experiments. Think you might like graphic design? Spend 2 hours on Canva making a fake brand. Curious about therapy? Watch 3 YouTube videos from licensed therapists. Interested in coding? Do a free 1-hour tutorial. Each experiment gives you information. Each “no” gets you closer to a “yes.”
Step 3: Find your people. This is the one nobody talks about. Your purpose is not something you figure out alone in your room. It is something that emerges when you are around people who challenge you, support you, and show you what is possible. Join a community. Find a mentor. Talk to someone who is already doing what you are curious about. Your network is your net worth — but more importantly, it is your clarity.
80% of people in their 20s change careers at least once. Let that sink in.
The Truth Nobody Tells You About Purpose
Here is the realest thing I can tell you. Your purpose is probably not your job. For some people it is. But for most of us, our purpose is how we show up in the world — in our relationships, in our communities, in the way we treat ourselves. Your job can be part of that. But it does not have to be all of it.
I know a woman who works in accounting and volunteers at an animal shelter on weekends. Her purpose is compassion. I know another woman who is a stay-at-home mom and runs a small Etsy shop. Her purpose is creativity and nurturing. I know a third woman who works in tech and spends her evenings mentoring first-generation college students. Her purpose is breaking cycles.
None of these women have a single, Instagram-friendly “purpose statement.” They are living their purpose through a combination of things that matter to them. And that is the real secret. Your purpose is not a title. It is a thread that runs through your life. You just have to start pulling it.
“You do not find your purpose. You build it, brick by brick, through the things you choose to care about.”
What About the Pressure? (Because It Is Real)
I know the pressure is crushing. You have tuition to think about. Roommates who seem to have it together. Parents who ask “So what are you going to do with that degree?” every single holiday. Social media feeds full of 22-year-olds who are “CEOs” (spoiler: many of them are selling a course, not living a life).
That pressure makes you want to grab onto the first “purpose” that looks respectable and hold on for dear life. Do not do it. That is how you end up three years into a career you hate, wondering where your 20s went.
Instead, give yourself permission to be a beginner. Permission to change your mind. Permission to try something and realize it is not for you. That is not failure. That is research. And research is how you find your purpose.
How to Start Finding Your Purpose Today (Like, Right Now)
You do not need a vision board or a 10-year plan. You need one small action. Here is what I want you to do in the next 24 hours.
Open a note on your phone. Write down three things: 1) One moment this week where you felt genuinely interested or engaged. 2) One compliment people often give you (not about your looks — about your personality or skills). 3) One problem in the world that makes you angry or sad.
That is it. Those three data points are the beginning of your purpose map. Your interests tell you what direction to look. Your strengths tell you what tools you have. Your anger tells you what matters to you. Put them together and you have a starting point.
Why This 3-Step Method Works:
✅ It is low pressure. You are not committing to anything. You are just noticing patterns.
✅ It is based on your actual life. Not some idealized version of who you think you should be.
✅ It gives you a next step. Once you have those three data points, you can run a small experiment based on what you find.
Let me give you a real example. One of our TechMae members, let us call her Maya, felt completely lost at 21. She was in a business program she hated, working a retail job that drained her, and watching her friends get internships at big companies while she had no idea what she wanted.
She did this exercise. Her moment of interest? She spent 3 hours one night researching how to start a small baking business — not because she wanted to do it, but because she got curious about the logistics. Her compliment? People always told her she was good at explaining things clearly. Her anger? She was furious about how expensive therapy is and how hard it is to access.
She did not have a lightning bolt moment. But she had a clue. She started a blog about mental health resources for college students. That blog turned into a small Instagram community. That community turned into a freelance content writing gig. Three years later, she works in mental health communications. She did not find her purpose in a single moment. She built it, step by step, following the clues her own life gave her.
That is how it works for most people. Not a dramatic revelation. A series of small, curious steps that add up to a life that actually fits you.
This is the kind of stuff women talk about inside TechMae every single day. No judgment, just real ones keeping it real.
Related: This post is a must-read for women on their journey — because sometimes your purpose starts with financial freedom.
Start Here
Your one action for today: Do the three-question exercise I just gave you. That is it. Do not overthink it. Do not try to solve your whole life. Just write down three things and see what happens.
And if you want to go deeper, here is a challenge. For the next 7 days, spend 15 minutes each day doing something that fits one of those three clues. Read an article. Watch a YouTube video. Talk to someone in that field. Treat it like a research project on yourself.
You might also love this article — one of our most shared — about how journaling can help you uncover patterns you have been missing.
This Is Your Sign to Stop Doing It Alone
Women inside TechMae have been exactly where you are. Come find your people.
