Girl, Let Us Talk About Toxic Relationships for Real

Let’s be real for a second, sis. You know that feeling in your gut when something is off, but your brain keeps making excuses? That is exactly what toxic relationships do to you. They make you question your own reality.

I remember sitting in my dorm room sophomore year, crying over a text from a guy who would take four hours to reply but somehow had time to post on Instagram. And I stayed. For months. Because I thought “but he’s nice sometimes” was a good enough reason.

It wasn’t. And neither is yours.

Why You Keep Making Excuses for Toxic Relationships

Here is the thing nobody tells you about toxic relationships: they do not start toxic. They start magical. That is the trap. You remember the first three months when he would text you good morning every single day, when she would hype you up before your big exam, when everything felt like a movie. And you keep chasing that version of them.

But girl, that version is gone. And waiting for them to come back is like checking an empty fridge for food. You are just gonna be disappointed every single time.

The psychology behind this is actually wild. There is something called the “sunk cost fallacy” — basically, you have already invested so much time, energy, and emotion that your brain tells you leaving would make all of that a waste. So you stay longer, hoping it will get better, and you end up losing even more of yourself.

The Red Flags You Are Ignoring (And Why)

Let me guess. There is that one thing they do that makes your stomach drop, but you have convinced yourself it is not a big deal. Maybe they cancel plans last minute. Maybe they get weird when you hang out with your friends. Maybe they make jokes that are “just jokes” but somehow always make you feel small.

Here is a hard truth: toxic relationships do not have to be violent or dramatic to be damaging. Sometimes the most toxic thing is the slow erosion of your self-worth. The little comments. The silent treatments. The way you have to walk on eggshells just to keep the peace.

And the worst part? You start believing you are the problem. You start apologizing for things that are not your fault. You start shrinking yourself so they can feel big.

That stat hits different, right? Because it is not just about romantic relationships. It is about friendships too. That friend who only calls you when she needs something? Toxic. That roommate who makes you feel like you are walking on eggshells in your own space? Toxic. That family member who guilt trips you every time you set a boundary? Also toxic.

And here is the thing — you are not alone in this. Over 65% of young women report staying in unhealthy friendships or relationships longer than they should because they did not want to hurt the other person’s feelings. But what about YOUR feelings? Who is protecting those?

What Actually Works to Break Free from Toxic Relationships

Okay, so you know it is toxic. You know you should leave. But how? Let me break this down into steps that actually work, not the generic “just leave” advice that makes you feel worse.

First, you need to grieve the relationship you thought you had. Not the one that actually exists. The fantasy. The potential. The “if only they would change” version. That version never existed, sis. You made it up in your head. And that is okay — we all do it. But you have to let it go.

Second, you need to rebuild your life BEFORE you leave. This is the step nobody talks about. If your whole world revolves around this person, leaving will feel like falling off a cliff. Start small. Join a club. Reconnect with a friend you have been ignoring. Pick up a hobby you dropped. Build a life that does not need them in it.

Third, you need a plan for the hard days. Because they will come. At 2 AM when you want to text them. When you see something funny and instinctively want to share it. When your friends are busy and you feel lonely. Have a list of people you can call. Have a playlist that makes you feel powerful. Have a note on your phone reminding you why you left.

Staying in Toxic Relationships	Walking Away
❌ You keep losing pieces of yourself	✅ You start finding yourself again
❌ You are always anxious and drained	✅ You finally get your peace back
❌ You miss out on real opportunities	✅ You make space for something better
❌ You normalize being treated poorly	✅ You raise your standards permanently

Look at that table and be honest with yourself. Which column describes your life right now? If you are in the left column more than the right, you already know what needs to happen.

The Truth Nobody Tells You About Life After Toxic Relationships

Here is what I wish someone had told me: the first month after leaving is going to be brutal. Not because you made the wrong choice, but because your brain is literally detoxing from the emotional rollercoaster. Toxic relationships create addiction-like patterns in your brain. The highs are high, the lows are low, and your brain gets hooked on the drama.

When you leave, your brain goes through withdrawal. You will miss them. You will romanticize the good times. You will convince yourself it was not that bad. This is normal. This does not mean you should go back. It means your brain is healing.

And here is the beautiful part: around day 30, something shifts. You wake up one morning and realize you have not thought about them in hours. You laugh at something and notice it feels lighter. You make a decision without wondering what they would think. That is you coming back to yourself.

I want you to think about your future self for a second. The version of you six months from now. A year from now. Five years from now. What does she look like? Is she still stuck in the same cycle, making the same excuses, feeling the same way? Or did she walk away and build something better?

Because here is the thing about toxic relationships — they do not just take your present. They steal your future too. Every month you stay is a month you could have spent healing. Every excuse you make is a door you are closing on something better. Every time you choose them over yourself, you are telling yourself that you are not worth choosing.

And that is the biggest lie of all. Because you ARE worth choosing. You are worth peace. You are worth consistency. You are worth someone who does not make you question your own worth.

This is the kind of stuff women talk about inside TechMae every single day. No judgment, just real ones keeping it real.

Related: This post is a must-read for women on their journey to rebuilding their lives after letting go of what was not serving them.

Start Here: Your First Step Out of Toxic Relationships

You do not have to have everything figured out today. You do not have to be ready to leave tomorrow. But you do have to be honest with yourself right now.

Here is your one action step: Take out your phone right now. Open your notes app. Write down one sentence: “I deserve to be treated with respect, consistency, and kindness. No exceptions.” Read it out loud. Screenshot it. Make it your wallpaper if you have to.

Then, I want you to do something scary. I want you to tell one person you trust about what is really going on. Not the edited version. The real version. Say it out loud. Because secrets keep you stuck, and the moment you speak your truth into the light, it loses its power over you.

You might also love this article — one of our most shared. It is about finding your people when you feel completely alone in what you are going through.

And listen, I know this is hard. I know you might be reading this with tears in your eyes because it hits too close to home. I know you might not be ready to leave yet. And that is okay. You are not a failure for staying. You are human. You are hoping. You are loving.

But I need you to hear this: hoping does not change people. Loving does not fix people. Only they can do that. And if they are not choosing to change, you cannot love them into becoming who you need them to be.

So here is my challenge to you: stop waiting for them to become the person you deserve. Start becoming that person for yourself. Show up for yourself the way you have been showing up for them. Be your own best friend. Be your own biggest fan. Be the one who finally chooses you.

Because when you walk away from toxic relationships, you are not losing something. You are making room for everything you have been praying for. And that version of your life? It is so much better than you can even imagine right now.

You got this, sis. I am rooting for you.