I Wish Someone Told Me This About Medical Gaslighting Sooner

Hey sis. Let’s talk about something that makes my blood boil — and if you’ve ever left a doctor’s appointment feeling confused, dismissed, or like you were being dramatic, this is for YOU.

You might not have heard the term medical gaslighting before, but I guarantee you’ve felt it. It’s when a healthcare provider minimizes your symptoms, blames them on anxiety, stress, or your weight, or straight up tells you nothing is wrong — when your body is literally screaming at you that something IS wrong.

And here’s the part that makes me want to throw my phone across the room: it happens to young women constantly. Like, statistically, all the time. A 2022 study found that women wait an average of 4 years longer than men to get diagnosed with the same conditions. Four. Years. Of pain. Of being told “it’s in your head.” Of second-guessing yourself.

Let that sink in for a second.

Why Does Medical Gaslighting Happen to Us?

Okay so here is the tea — and it is not cute. Medical gaslighting is rooted in decades of medicine literally not studying women’s bodies the same way they studied men’s. For years, clinical trials excluded women of childbearing age because “hormones were too complicated.” So the entire baseline of what “normal” looks like in medicine? It was built on male bodies.

That means when you walk into a doctor’s office with chronic pain, heavy periods, fatigue, or weird symptoms that don’t fit neatly into a box — you are already fighting against a system that was never designed to understand you in the first place.

And then on top of that? There’s the bias. Studies show that women’s pain is taken less seriously than men’s pain. One study from the University of Miami found that when men and women reported the exact same level of post-surgery pain, women were significantly less likely to be prescribed pain medication. Instead, they were more likely to be offered sedatives or told to “relax.”

So no, you are not crazy. You are not being dramatic. You are navigating a system that has a long, ugly history of not believing women — and especially not believing young women.

Real Stories of Medical Gaslighting (Because You Are Not Alone)

I want you to hear some real examples so you know exactly what this looks like. Because sometimes medical gaslighting is so subtle you don’t even realize it’s happening until you’re sobbing in your car after the appointment.

One woman I know — let’s call her Maya — was 22 when she started having debilitating migraines. Like, can’t-see, throwing-up, need-to-lie-in-a-dark-room migraines. Her doctor told her it was “stress from college” and suggested she try yoga and drink more water. She pushed for a neurologist. Turns out she had a brain lesion that required surgery. Yoga would not have fixed that, sis.

Another friend — 19 years old, freshman in college — went to student health for severe pelvic pain. The nurse practitioner literally said, “You’re young, you’re healthy, it’s probably just ovulation.” She had a ruptured ovarian cyst by the time she got a second opinion.

And then there’s the classic: “You just need to lose weight.” I cannot tell you how many young women are told their health problems would disappear if they dropped 20 pounds. Meanwhile, the actual diagnosis — PCOS, thyroid issues, autoimmune conditions — gets missed for years because nobody looked past the number on the scale.

Yeah, that stat is from a national survey done by The Commonwealth Fund. A third of us. That means if you’re in a dorm room with three roommates, statistically one of you has already experienced this. And the real number is probably higher, because a lot of women don’t even realize they were gaslit until way later when they finally get a diagnosis.

What Actually Works: How to Protect Yourself from Medical Gaslighting

Okay, so now that we know the problem, let’s talk solutions. Because I am not here to just scare you — I want you to walk into your next appointment armed and ready.

First things first: you need to advocate for yourself like you would for your best friend. Imagine your little sister was in pain and a doctor dismissed her. Would you just accept that? Absolutely not. So channel that energy for yourself.

Here is the step-by-step game plan I wish someone had given me at 20:

1. Bring backup. If you can, bring a friend, your mom, a roommate — someone else in the room. Studies show that when women bring an advocate to medical appointments, their concerns are taken more seriously. It’s messed up, but it’s real. Use it.

2. Use specific language. Instead of saying “I’m in pain,” say “On a scale of 1-10, my pain is an 8, and it has disrupted my ability to attend class, sleep, and eat for the past 3 weeks.” Specificity signals severity. Vague language gets dismissed.

3. Ask for it in writing. If a doctor tells you nothing is wrong, ask them to note in your chart that they refused further testing. Say: “I understand you’re saying this is normal. Can you please document in my chart that I requested additional testing and you declined?” You will be shocked how quickly some doctors change their tune when you ask for that.

4. Get a second opinion. And a third if you need to. The average woman with endometriosis sees 7 doctors before getting diagnosed. SEVEN. Do not stop until someone believes you. Your health is worth being annoying about.

The Truth Nobody Tells You About Medical Gaslighting

Here is the part that really gets me. Medical gaslighting doesn’t just delay your diagnosis — it messes with your head. It makes you doubt your own body. It makes you feel like maybe you ARE being dramatic. And that self-doubt can follow you into every other area of your life.

I’ve seen young women who were gaslit by doctors start to gaslight themselves. They stop speaking up at work. They stay in bad relationships because they think their judgment is unreliable. They stop trusting their own gut — and that is dangerous, sis.

You have to understand: your body is not the enemy here. The system is. Your pain is real. Your intuition is real. And just because one person in a white coat dismissed you does not mean nothing is wrong. It means that person failed you.

And here is another truth: medical gaslighting disproportionately affects women of color. If you are a Black woman, studies show you are 3-4 times more likely to die from pregnancy-related complications than white women — not because of underlying health issues, but because your pain is systematically undertreated and dismissed. Latina women are also significantly less likely to receive adequate pain management. This is not just about gender — it’s about race, class, and who medicine decides is “credible.”

So if you are navigating this as a young woman of color, please know: the system is stacked against you in ways that are deeply unfair. And that makes advocating for yourself even more critical. Find doctors who specialize in treating women of color. Look for providers who openly talk about health equity. You deserve a doctor who sees you — all of you.

How to Find a Doctor Who Actually Listens

This is the game-changer, sis. You don’t have to keep going back to a doctor who dismisses you. You can switch. You can shop around for healthcare providers the same way you’d shop for a new pair of jeans — you’re looking for a good fit, and you don’t settle for the first one that feels uncomfortable.

Here is what to look for:

Look for a provider who specializes in YOUR issue. If you have chronic pelvic pain, don’t go to a general practitioner — go to a gynecologist who specializes in endometriosis or pelvic floor disorders. If you have migraines, see a neurologist who focuses on headache disorders. Generalists are great for checkups, but specialists are better at catching the things that get missed.

Read reviews specifically from young women. Google the doctor’s name + “patient reviews” and look for keywords like “listened,” “took me seriously,” “didn’t dismiss my pain.” If you see multiple reviews mentioning medical gaslighting or feeling dismissed, run the other way.

Ask other women. Post in a community (like TechMae — more on that in a sec) and ask: “Has anyone in [your city] found a good doctor for [your issue]?” Word-of-mouth recommendations from women who have been through it are gold.

Check if they’re part of a teaching hospital. Doctors at academic medical centers are often more up-to-date on the latest research and more willing to consider complex cases. They also have access to more specialists for referrals.

What to Do If You’re in Pain Right Now and Can’t Get Help

I know not everyone has the luxury of switching doctors. Maybe you’re on your parents’ insurance, or you’re stuck with student health, or you can’t afford a specialist. I get it. That is real. So here is what you do in the meantime:

Use telehealth as a bridge. Apps like Planned Parenthood Direct, Nurx, or even your insurance’s telehealth option can get you a second opinion without having to physically go to a dismissive clinic. Sometimes just hearing another voice confirm that your symptoms are worth investigating is enough to keep you going.

Document everything. I cannot stress this enough. Write down dates, symptoms, what you ate, your cycle, your sleep — everything. When you finally get in front of a good doctor, this data will be your best friend. And if you ever need to file a complaint or switch insurance, this paper trail is evidence.

Find community. You are not supposed to figure this out alone. Medical gaslighting thrives in isolation — when you think you’re the only one who has been dismissed, you start to believe maybe you ARE overreacting. But when you hear other women’s stories, you realize: oh. This is a pattern. This is a system. And that knowledge is power.

This is the kind of stuff women talk about inside TechMae every single day. No judgment, just real ones keeping it real.

Related: This post is a must-read for women on their journey — it walks you through how journaling can help you reconnect with your own intuition after it’s been shaken by gaslighting.

Start Here

I want you to do ONE thing today. Not ten things. One. Because I know you’re overwhelmed and in pain and probably tired of reading articles that tell you to do a million things.

Here it is: Open your notes app right now and write down the ONE symptom that bothers you the most. Just one. Write down when it started, how it feels, and what you think might be causing it. That’s it. That’s your first step.

Tomorrow, add one more detail. The next day, another. By the end of the week, you’ll have a symptom log that a doctor cannot ignore. And more importantly, you’ll have proof to yourself that you are not making this up.

You might also love this article — one of our most shared — about finding your people when you feel like no one gets what you’re going through.

Sis, I see you. I believe you. And I am so sorry that the system has made you question yourself. But you are not broken, you are not dramatic, and you are not alone. Keep fighting for your health. Keep trusting your body. And when you need backup? We are right here.