“You are not too much. You have just been asking the wrong people to hold you.”
Sis, let me say this first: your self-worth is not up for a vote. Not at work, not in your relationship, not in that group chat where you keep shrinking yourself so nobody feels uncomfortable.
I need you to hear me. If you have ever been told you are “too much” — too loud, too ambitious, too sensitive, too direct, too emotional, too focused on your money — that was never a fact about you. That was a fact about the room you were standing in.
And if your self-worth has been taking hits lately, it is not because something is wrong with you. It is because you have been surrounded by people who could not hold what you bring. Let’s talk about it.
When “Too Much” Is Actually a Mismatch
Here is what nobody tells you: the people who call you “too much” are usually the ones who benefit from you being less. Less vocal about your pay. Less clear about your boundaries. Less sure about what you deserve.
Think about the last time someone made you feel like you were doing the most. Were you asking for something reasonable? Were you setting a boundary? Were you simply being honest about what you needed? Yeah. That is not “too much.” That is a person with a functioning sense of self-worth.
A manager who tells you that you are “aggressive” for negotiating your salary. A partner who calls you “dramatic” when you name something that hurt you. A friend who makes you feel like you are “doing too much” because you are actually building something. These are not people reflecting the truth about you. They are people reflecting their own discomfort.
💡 Quick Tip
Next time someone calls you “too much,” ask yourself one question: is this person benefiting from me being smaller? If the answer is yes, their opinion of your self-worth does not count. Write that down somewhere you can see it.
The Self-Worth Tax You Are Paying Without Knowing It
Let me get real with you about something that costs you actual money. When your self-worth is low, you undercharge. You accept the first offer. You stay at the job that is paying you 20 percent below market because you are “just grateful to be there.” You split the bill with people who never split it back.
That is the self-worth tax. And it is expensive. Women lose thousands of dollars a year — sometimes tens of thousands over a career — because they do not believe they are worth the number they are asking for.
Here is the thing: confidence in your self-worth is not something you are born with. It is built. It is practiced. And it starts with recognizing that the number you accept is directly connected to the belief you hold about yourself.
Women who negotiate their first salary earn $1 MILLION more over a career
Yeah, that is wild right? One conversation. One belief in your own self-worth. A million dollars. Let that sink in.
💊 What Works: The Confidence Code – This book breaks down the science of why women second-guess themselves and gives you actual tools to stop. Not fluffy, not preachy. Just real strategies to build self-worth that shows up when it counts.
What Actually Works
So how do you rebuild self-worth when you have been surrounded by people who made you feel like you were the problem? You start by changing what you accept. Here is what that looks like in practice.
First, audit your circle. Who makes you feel energized after you talk to them? Who makes you feel drained or small? Write down the names. You do not have to cut everyone off, but you do need to be honest about who gets access to you.
Second, stop explaining yourself to people who are committed to misunderstanding you. If someone has already decided you are “too much,” no amount of explaining will change their mind. Your energy is better spent on people who actually see you.
Third, practice saying no without a paragraph of justification. “No, that doesn’t work for me.” Period. You do not owe anyone an explanation for protecting your peace or your time.
Why This Works:
✅ You stop outsourcing your self-worth to people who never deserved the privilege
✅ You protect your energy for the relationships and opportunities that actually pour into you
✅ You build evidence that you can trust yourself, which is the foundation of real self-worth
The Truth Nobody Tells You About Self-Worth
Here is the insider piece. Self-worth is not something you feel. It is something you practice. You do not wake up one day believing you are worthy. You build it through small actions that prove to yourself that you are.
Every time you say no to something that does not align. Every time you ask for the raise. Every time you walk away from a conversation that is disrespecting you. Every time you choose yourself, you are building evidence. And evidence beats affirmations every single time.
“Self-worth is not about believing you are enough. It is about building a life that proves it.”
So stop waiting to feel confident before you take action. Take the action first. The confidence follows. The self-worth follows. That is the order.
And listen, I know it is not easy. I know there are days when you are exhausted from being the strong one, the ambitious one, the one who has to explain her worth to people who should already see it. But you are not doing too much. You are just finally doing enough for yourself.
This is the kind of stuff women talk about inside TechMae every single day. No judgment, just real ones keeping it real.
Related: This post is a must-read for women on their journey.
Start Here
If you take nothing else from this, take this: your self-worth is not a problem to be fixed. It is a truth to be protected. And the first step is recognizing who in your life has been allowed to make you question it.
Here is your one action for today. Grab your phone. Open your notes app. Write down three people who make you feel like you are enough exactly as you are. Then write down three people who consistently make you feel like you have to shrink. Do not do anything with this list yet. Just see it. Awareness is the first step.
Your Self-Worth Starter Plan:
✅ Identify the people who pour into you — spend more time with them
✅ Identify the people who drain you — limit their access to you
✅ Practice one boundary this week without over-explaining it
✅ Write down one thing you know you are worth — and do not let anyone talk you out of it
You might also love this article – one of our most shared.
This Is Your Sign to Stop Doing It Alone
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