“You are not too much. You have just been handing your energy to people who were never built to hold it.”
Sis, let me ask you something. Have you ever been told you are “too much”? Too emotional. Too ambitious. Too direct. Too sensitive. Too loud. Too quiet. Too something.
Because if you have, I need you to hear this clearly: that has nothing to do with your self-worth. It has everything to do with the room you were standing in. And once you understand that, your whole life shifts.
I have watched brilliant women shrink themselves in meetings, in relationships, in family group chats, and in friendships that were draining them dry. All because someone made them believe their intensity was a flaw. It is not. Your self-worth is not up for a vote, and the people who make you feel like it is are showing you exactly who they are.
Why “Too Much” Is Almost Never About You
Here is the truth nobody says out loud: when someone tells you that you are too much, what they usually mean is that you are too much for them. Too much effort to keep up with. Too much honesty to handle. Too much growth to be comfortable around.
Think about the last time you felt like you had to tone yourself down. Maybe it was at work, when you had a great idea but softened it so you would not seem aggressive. Maybe it was with a friend who always turns the conversation back to herself. Maybe it was in a relationship where your needs were treated as “drama.”
That shrinking is not humility. That is you lowering your self-worth to make someone else comfortable. And the cost is real. Research on emotional labor shows women are significantly more likely to suppress their emotions at work and at home, and that constant suppression is linked to burnout, anxiety, and even physical symptoms like headaches and sleep problems. Let that sink in.
💡 Quick Tip
Start a note on your phone called “Evidence.” Every time you feel dismissed, write down what happened in one sentence. After two weeks, read it back. You will see the pattern of who drains your self-worth — and it is almost never random. It is specific people, specific rooms. Now you know where to set boundaries.
The people who genuinely value you do not ask you to dim. They adjust their eyes. They make space. They say “tell me more” instead of “you are doing too much.” That is the difference between someone who loves your light and someone who needs it off.
The Self-Worth Checklist Nobody Gives You
Before you blame yourself for feeling off, run this check. Because a lot of women are walking around thinking their self-worth is broken when really they are just surrounded by people who never learned how to hold space.
If you are sitting here reading the left column and thinking “damn, that is my whole circle,” do not panic. You are not broken. You are just overdue for a rebalance.
💊 What Works: The Set Boundaries Workbook – a practical, no-fluff guide that walks you through scripts for the exact conversations you have been avoiding. It is the kind of thing you keep on your nightstand and actually use, not just read once.
What Actually Works
Okay, so how do you actually rebuild self-worth when other people have been chipping at it? You do it with evidence, not affirmations. Staring in the mirror saying “I am enough” is nice, but your brain needs proof. Here is what actually moves the needle.
1. Audit your circle. Write down the five people you talk to most. Next to each name, write whether you feel bigger or smaller after talking to them. That list is your starting point. You are not cutting everyone off — you are just seeing clearly. Sometimes the fix is less time with the people who drain you and more time with the ones who fill you.
2. Practice the pause. When someone says something that makes you feel small, do not react immediately. Take one breath. Then ask yourself: “Is this true about me, or true about them?” Most of the time, it is their stuff. The pause gives your self-worth a second to catch up before your reaction runs the show.
3. Keep receipts of your wins. We remember criticism for years and forget compliments in seconds. Flip that. Keep a folder — digital or paper — of kind messages, wins, praise, moments you were proud of yourself. When your self-worth feels shaky, open it. Your brain needs reminders of what is actually true.
Your self-worth is not a group project. Stop letting other people grade it.
4. Set one boundary this week. Not five. One. Maybe it is saying no to a coffee you do not want to attend. Maybe it is not answering a text after 9pm. Maybe it is asking for the raise you have been too nervous to request. Small boundaries build the muscle for big ones. And every boundary you keep tells your brain: I am worth protecting.
5. Watch your self-talk. You would never talk to your best friend the way you talk to yourself at 2am. Catch the voice that says “you are too much” or “you are not ready” or “who do you think you are.” That voice is not the truth. It is a habit. And habits can be broken with repetition.
The Truth Nobody Tells You
Here is the insider truth, sis: the women who seem the most confident are not the ones who never got told they were too much. They are the ones who decided that being “too much” for the wrong people was a price worth paying to be everything for themselves.
The right people will not require you to shrink. They will not flinch when you get excited about your goals. They will not make you feel dramatic for having feelings. They will not punish you for growing. If you have to explain your worth to someone over and over, that is your answer. Stop explaining.
“You will never be too much for someone who actually wants the full version of you. Everyone else was just borrowing a smaller one.”
And listen — this is not just about romance. It is about your job, your friendships, your family. If your workplace makes you feel like your self-worth is tied to how quietly you can endure, that is information. If a friendship only works when you are the one bending, that is information. If your family only loves the version of you that does not have opinions, that is information. Use it.
One more thing: the people who call you “too much” often need you to be less so they can feel like more. That is not your job. Your job is to keep becoming yourself, loudly, and let the room adjust.
Start Here
If you take nothing else from this, take this one action today: write down the three people in your life who make you feel like your full self. Then write down the three who make you feel like you have to shrink. You do not have to do anything with that list yet. Just seeing it is the start of reclaiming your self-worth.
Why This Works:
✅ It moves self-worth from a feeling to a fact you can see
✅ It shows you where to spend your energy instead of guessing
✅ It gives you a starting point for boundaries that actually stick
You are not too much. You are not too sensitive. You are not too ambitious. You are not too emotional. You are exactly enough, and the right people will feel that the moment they meet you.
This is the kind of stuff women talk about inside TechMae every single day. No judgment, just real ones keeping it real.
Related: This post is a must-read for women on their journey.
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This Is Your Sign to Stop Doing It Alone
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