“I used to think networking meant walking into a room full of strangers and pretending to be someone I wasn’t. Turns out, the people who actually matter just want to meet the real you.”
Okay sis, let’s talk about something that used to make my stomach drop every single time I heard the word: networking. I know, I know — it sounds like something your career counselor tells you to do while you’re still trying to figure out if you even want a corporate job. But here is the truth: networking is not about shaking hands in a stuffy conference room with bad coffee. It is about building real connections with people who can actually help you — and who you can help right back.
You have probably been told to “network” since high school. Maybe you even have a LinkedIn profile you barely touch, or you have attended one of those career fairs where everyone is sweating through their blazer. And maybe — just maybe — it felt fake. Like you were performing. Like you had to be this polished, perfect version of yourself that doesn’t even exist. Girl, I felt that too. And I am here to tell you: networking does not have to feel like that. Not even a little bit.
Here is the thing nobody tells you: the best networking happens when you stop trying to network. Sounds backwards, right? But stick with me. When you stop treating people like transactions — like they are just a stepping stone to your dream internship — you actually start building relationships that last. And those relationships? They are the ones that get you the job, the scholarship, the recommendation letter, the random text from someone who heard about an opening and thought of you.
Why Does Networking Feel So Awkward?
Let’s be real for a second. Networking feels awkward because we are taught to approach it wrong from day one. Think about it: you are told to “sell yourself,” to have an “elevator pitch” ready, to hand out business cards like candy. That is not how humans connect. That is how you sell a used car. And you are not a used car, sis. You are a whole human being with dreams, fears, and a really good playlist.
The pressure to be “impressive” is what makes networking feel fake. You are so worried about saying the right thing that you forget to listen. You are so focused on what they can do for you that you miss the chance to actually learn something. And honestly? People can smell that energy from a mile away. They know when you are being performative, and it makes them uncomfortable too.
But here is the good news: you do not have to be perfect. You do not have to have your whole life figured out. In fact, the most memorable conversations I have ever had started with me saying something like, “I honestly have no idea what I am doing, but I am trying to learn.” That vulnerability? That is magnetic. That is what makes people want to help you.
💡 Quick Tip
Next time you are at a networking event or even just a class where you want to connect with someone, try this: ask one genuine question about them. Not a scripted question. Something like, “What is the most interesting thing you have worked on this month?” Then actually listen to the answer. That is it. That is the whole move.
And listen, I know you are busy. Between classes, work, trying to have a social life, and maybe dealing with some family drama or mental health stuff, the last thing you want to do is add “networking” to your to-do list. I get it. But here is the secret: networking does not have to be a separate activity. It can happen naturally in the things you are already doing. Talking to the person next to you in class? That is networking. Commenting on someone’s Instagram post about their new job? That is networking. Joining a group chat for your major? You guessed it — that is networking too.
💊 What Works: The 2-Hour Job Search by Steve Dalton – This book completely changed how I think about networking. It gives you a literal system for reaching out to people without feeling like a creep. No fluff, just steps. I still use the template from this book years later.
What Actually Works: Networking Without the Ick
Alright, so let’s get practical. You are convinced that networking does not have to be fake. But how do you actually do it? Here is what I have learned from years of trial and error — and from watching women in TechMae figure it out for themselves.
First, stop thinking about networking as something you do to get something. Instead, think of it as building a community. You are not collecting contacts; you are collecting people who get you. And the way you do that is by being genuinely curious about them. Ask about their journey. Ask what they wish they had known at your age. Ask about the mistakes they made. People love talking about their own stories, and when you listen, they remember you.
Second, use the platforms you already have. LinkedIn is the obvious one, but do not sleep on Instagram, Twitter (X), or even TikTok. I have seen women land internships just by sliding into the DMs of someone whose career they admired and saying, “Hey, I loved your post about X. I am trying to break into the field and would love to hear more about your experience.” That is networking. And it does not require a suit or a firm handshake.
85% of jobs are filled through networking. Not job boards. Not cold applications. People.
Let that sink in for a second. 85%. That means if you are only applying to jobs online and never talking to anyone, you are missing out on the vast majority of opportunities. And I am not saying this to stress you out — I am saying this to show you how powerful your connections already are. That girl you sat next to in freshman year? She might know someone. Your cousin’s roommate? She might have a lead. Your professor who you actually like? They probably know everyone in the industry.
So how do you start? You start small. You send one message today. Just one. To someone you admire, someone whose work you actually follow. Tell them what you appreciate about their work. Ask a specific question. Do not ask for a job. Do not ask for a referral. Just connect. That is networking at its purest — two humans sharing a moment of genuine interest.
The Truth Nobody Tells You About Networking
Here is the part that really messed with my head for years: networking is not about being the smartest person in the room. It is about being the most human. And that means you get to bring your whole self — the messy parts, the awkward parts, the parts that are still figuring it out.
I remember my first real networking conversation after college. I was at a coffee shop, and I saw a woman whose work I had been following for years. I was terrified. My hands were shaking. But I walked up to her and said, “Hey, I am so sorry to interrupt, but I just wanted to say that your podcast episode about imposter syndrome literally changed my life. I have listened to it five times.” She smiled, invited me to sit down, and we talked for an hour. She ended up becoming a mentor to me. And it all started because I was honest about how her work impacted me.
That is the kind of networking that actually works. Not because I had a polished pitch, but because I was real. And that is what I want for you. I want you to walk into rooms — whether they are virtual or IRL — knowing that you belong there. Not because you have a perfect resume, but because you are a person worth knowing.
“The biggest myth about networking is that you have to be impressive. The truth? People just want to know you are real. Drop the act and watch how fast your network grows.”
Another thing nobody tells you: networking is a two-way street, but it does not have to be equal in the moment. You do not have to offer something immediately. Sometimes, just being a kind, curious person is enough. And down the line, when you have something to offer — a resource, a connection, a listening ear — you will. That is how real networks work. They are not transactional. They are relational.
And let me address the elephant in the room: the fear of rejection. What if they do not respond? What if they think you are annoying? Girl, I have been there. I have sent messages that went into the void. I have been ignored by people I really looked up to. And you know what? It stung for a minute. But then I moved on. And I kept sending messages. Because the people who do respond — the ones who see your effort and want to help — those are your people. And they are worth the risk.
This is the kind of stuff women talk about inside TechMae every single day. No judgment, just real ones keeping it real.
Related: This post is a must-read for women on their journey.
Start Here: Your First Networking Move
I am not going to let you read all of this and then do nothing. Here is your one action for today. It takes five minutes. And it will change how you think about networking forever.
Open your phone. Go to LinkedIn, Instagram, or even your email. Find one person — just one — who is doing something you admire. It could be a woman in your field, a professor you had, a friend of a friend who seems to have it together. Send them a message. Keep it short. Keep it real. Here is a template you can use:
“Hey [Name], I have been following your work on [specific thing] and I just wanted to say I really admire how you [specific detail]. I am trying to learn more about [topic] and would love to hear about your experience if you ever have a few minutes. No pressure at all, but I appreciate you putting your work out there. It has helped me a lot.”
That is it. No ask for a job. No demand for their time. Just a genuine compliment and an open door. That is networking at its finest. And I promise you, most people will respond. Because most people like feeling seen. And you just saw them.
Why This Works:
✅ It is low-pressure — you are not asking for anything big, just a conversation
✅ It is specific — you show you actually pay attention, which is rare and memorable
✅ It is authentic — you are being yourself, not a polished version of who you think you should be
And if they do not respond? That is okay. It is not a reflection of your worth. It is just a reflection of their bandwidth. Send another message to someone else tomorrow. Keep building. Keep connecting. Keep being real. That is how you build a network that actually supports you — not because you performed well, but because you showed up as yourself.
You might also love this article — one of our most shared.
And listen, I know this stuff is hard. I know it feels vulnerable to put yourself out there. But you are not doing it alone. There is a whole community of women in TechMae who are figuring it out right alongside you. Women who have sent the awkward message and gotten the life-changing reply. Women who have been rejected and kept going. Women who have built careers and friendships and support systems just by being brave enough to say, “Hey, I see you. I see your work. And I want to learn.”
That is what networking really is. It is not a transaction. It is not a performance. It is showing up as your full, messy, brilliant self and letting the right people find you. And they will. I promise you, they will.
This Is Your Sign to Stop Doing It Alone
Women inside TechMae have been exactly where you are. Come find your people.
