“You’re not crazy. That comment *was* weird. And you’re not being ‘too sensitive’ for noticing it.”
Listen, sis. You just landed your first real job or internship. You’re trying to be professional, make a good impression, and get your bag. Then it happens. A coworker asks you, “So, where are you *really* from?” after you’ve already said you’re from Atlanta. Or your manager says, “You’re so articulate!” like it’s a shocking surprise. Or you’re the only woman in the meeting and someone says, “Can you take the notes, sweetie?”
These are microaggressions. They’re the tiny paper cuts you get all day that nobody else seems to see, but by 5 PM, you’re emotionally bleeding out. And you’re sitting there wondering, “Do I say something? Do I let it go? Am I just overreacting?”
Girl, I’ve been there. Staring at my screen after a “compliment” that felt icky, trying to figure out if I just imagined the whole thing. You didn’t. Let’s talk about how to deal with microaggressions at work without losing your mind or your job.
What Even IS a Microaggression? (It’s Not Just In Your Head)
A microaggression is a subtle, often unintentional, comment or action that communicates a bias against a marginalized group. For us, that’s often about race, gender, age, or all three. The key word is “micro.” It’s small. But small things add up.
Think of it like this: If someone punched you in the face at work, HR would be on it in two seconds. But microaggressions are like someone lightly tapping you on the forehead every 30 minutes. All. Day. Long. It’s exhausting, disorienting, and makes it hard to focus on your actual work.
Here’s the real-life stuff you might be hearing:
• “You’re so exotic-looking!” (About your features.)
• “Can I touch your hair?” (No. Just no.)
• “You’re so aggressive” when you’re just being direct (while your male colleague is “decisive”).
• “You’re pretty smart for a…” (Let your mind fill in the blank.)
• Being confused for the only other Black/Latina/Asian woman in the office.
• “You people are so good at [dancing/math/etc.].”
💡 Quick Tip
Start a private “Notes” app log. Jot down the date, what was said/done, and who was there. This isn’t to be petty. It’s data. If a pattern emerges (and it often does), you have facts, not just feelings, if you need to escalate.
Your First Reaction: The Freeze & Overthink
The moment happens. Your brain short-circuits. You freeze with a polite smile plastered on your face. Later, in the bathroom or on your drive home, you replay it 50 times. “I should have said… Why did I just laugh it off? Does everyone think that about me?”
This is NORMAL. In that split second, you’re doing a million risk assessments: “Will I seem difficult? Will this hurt my chance at a promotion? Do I have the energy for this today?” It’s a survival instinct in a professional setting. Beating yourself up for not having a perfect clapback in the moment is a waste of your energy, sis.
📓 What Works: A beautiful, durable journal – Having a separate, physical space to process these moments (away from your work laptop!) is crucial for mental separation. Write the rant here, not in a work Slack.
What Actually Works: Your Game Plan
Okay, so you’re tired of the paper cuts. Let’s get tactical. You don’t have to be a confrontational superhero. You just need a few scripts and strategies in your back pocket.
Strategy 1: The Polite Pause & Question. This is for the “unintentional” comment. Instead of accusing, get curious. It forces them to explain their nonsense.
Them: “You’re so articulate!”
You: (Pause, slight head tilt) “Thank you. I’m curious, what did you mean by that?”
Watch them stumble. Usually, they’ll realize how it sounded and backtrack. You’ve made your point without yelling.
Strategy 2: The Direct, Calm Statement. For something more clear-cut.
Them: “Can you take the notes, sweetie?”
You: “I’d prefer not to be called ‘sweetie’ at work. My name is [Your Name]. And I was planning to contribute to the discussion today, so perhaps we can rotate note-taking duties.”
Boom. Professional, clear, boundary set.
Strategy 3: The Private Follow-Up. This is your secret weapon. If you froze in the moment, it’s NOT too late. Swing by their desk or send a calm email later.
“Hey [Name], I wanted to follow up on our conversation earlier. When you said [repeat the comment], it landed in a way I don’t think you intended. In the future, I’d appreciate it if you’d [suggest alternative].”
This gives them a chance to apologize without public shame and shows you’re a professional communicator.
76% of women of color report experiencing microaggressions at work.
Yeah, let that sink in. You are not alone. Not even close. That stat means in your office, your friend’s office, everywhere—most of us are dealing with this same mess.
The Truth Nobody Tells You
Here’s the real talk, girl-to-girl. Sometimes, addressing microaggressions will work beautifully. The person will be genuinely apologetic and learn. Other times, it might backfire. They might get defensive, paint you as the problem, or ice you out.
Your job is NOT to fix every ignorant person in your office. Your job is to protect your peace, assert your boundaries where you can, and keep your eyes on your own prize (your career growth, your paycheck, your mental health).
Sometimes, the most powerful response is to say nothing in the moment, but to use that energy to go update your resume, apply for a better position, or network with people who *do* get it. Your response to microaggressions can be building an exit plan to a healthier environment. That’s not losing. That’s winning on your own terms.
“Your career is a marathon, not a sprint. Preserving your spirit is part of the strategy.”
This is the kind of stuff women talk about inside TechMae every single day. No judgment, just real ones keeping it real. How do you know if it’s a microaggression or just a bad day? What do you do when it’s your boss? We break it all down.
Related: This post is a must-read for women on their journey. It gives you the tools to process all this stuff so it doesn’t live rent-free in your head.
Start Here: Your First Move This Week
Don’t try to do everything at once. Pick ONE thing from below. Just one.
Why This Works:
✅ It gives you back a sense of control.
✅ It turns vague stress into actionable steps.
✅ It builds your confidence for the next time.
Option A (The Observer): Just notice. This week, don’t pressure yourself to respond. Just mentally note any microaggressions you experience or witness. See the pattern. Awareness is the first step to strategy.
Option B (The Preparer): Write your script. Think of one common microaggression you face. Draft 1-2 sentences you could say in response. Practice it in the mirror. Having the words ready takes the panic out of the moment.
Option C (The Connector): Find your one person. Identify one ally at work—maybe another young woman, someone from an ERG, a mentor. Casually mention, “Hey, have you ever noticed how often [thing] happens?” See if they’re a safe space. You don’t have to fight every battle alone.
You might also love this article – one of our most shared. It’s about reclaiming your narrative, which is exactly what you’re doing when you learn to handle these situations.
This Is Your Sign to Stop Doing It Alone
Women inside TechMae have been exactly where you are. We trade scripts, vent about terrible bosses, celebrate when someone nails a response, and share job leads at companies that actually get it. Come find your people.
