“Your pain is not a personality flaw. It’s data. And if your doctor is dismissing it, that’s a problem with their listening skills, not your body’s validity.”
Listen, sis. You know that feeling when you leave a doctor’s appointment more frustrated than when you walked in? You tried to explain the pain, the fatigue, the thing that just doesn’t feel right, and you were met with a shrug, a “it’s probably stress,” or the classic “it’s just your period.” Girl, that has a name. It’s called medical gaslighting. And it’s not in your head.
You’re not being dramatic. You’re not “too young” to have real health issues. And you’re definitely not alone. This is the real talk your older sister gives you after she’s spent years being told her debilitating cramps were “normal” or her exhaustion was just “college life.” We’re about to break down why this happens and, more importantly, what you can actually do about it.
What Is Medical Gaslighting, Really?
Medical gaslighting is when a healthcare professional dismisses, downplays, or outright ignores your symptoms. They might tell you it’s anxiety, that you’re too sensitive, or that you just need to lose weight. They make you question your own reality. “Is this really that bad? Am I just weak?”
It happens way more often to women, especially young women and women of color. Think about it: how many times have you heard a story about a friend who went to multiple doctors for years before someone finally took her pain seriously and diagnosed her with PCOS, endometriosis, or an autoimmune disease? That’s the cycle of medical gaslighting in action.
💡 Quick Tip
Start a “Health Notes” app on your phone or a dedicated notebook. Every time you have a symptom, log it with the date, time, what it felt like, and what you were doing. This turns “I don’t feel good” into “I experience sharp, lower-right abdominal pain for 2-3 days monthly, post-meals.” Data is harder to dismiss.
Why Does Medical Gaslighting Happen to Us?
It’s a messed-up mix of bias and outdated medicine. First, a lot of medical training is still based on studies done on men. So symptoms that present differently in women (like heart attacks) get overlooked. Second, there’s a deep-seated bias that women are “more emotional,” so pain is often psychologized.
They might see your age on the chart and make assumptions. “She’s 20, she’s fine.” They might see you’re a student and blame stress. They might be rushed, overworked, and just not listening. But none of that is an excuse. Your job is not to make their job easier. Your job is to get care.
💊 What Works: This Pain & Symptom Journal – I keep this in my bag. It has prompts to track pain levels, triggers, sleep, and mood in one place. Walking into an appointment with this is a power move. It shows you’re serious and makes your case for you.
What Actually Works: Your Anti-Gaslighting Game Plan
Okay, so how do you fight back against medical gaslighting? You get strategic. You walk in prepared. This isn’t about being confrontational; it’s about being clear and advocating for yourself like the CEO of your own body.
First, bring a buddy. Seriously. Have your roommate, your partner, or a friend come with you. They can take notes, remember what was said, and back you up if you get flustered. Doctors often behave differently with a witness in the room.
Second, use their language. Learn a few key phrases. Instead of “My stomach hurts,” try “I’m experiencing localized, cramping abdominal pain at a 7/10 intensity that radiates to my back, and it’s been persistent for 8 weeks.” See the difference? Specificity is key.
Women are 50% more likely to be misdiagnosed after a heart attack. Let that sink in.
Third, ask for it to be documented. If a doctor refuses to run a test or downplays you, say this: “Okay, I hear you. Can you please note in my chart that I requested a test for [X] and you are refusing it?” This changes the game. It makes them accountable. Often, they’ll reconsider.
The Truth Nobody Tells You
Here’s the insider tea: You are allowed to fire your doctor. You are not stuck with them. Your insurance is not a life sentence to bad care. If you feel dismissed, if you feel unheard, you find a new one. Period.
Look for younger doctors, female doctors (especially for gynecological issues), or doctors at teaching hospitals who are more up-to-date on research. Read reviews. Ask in local women’s Facebook groups or community forums. “Looking for a PCP in Chicago who actually listens to young women.” You will get recommendations.
“The most radical thing you can do for your health is to believe yourself when someone in a white coat tells you not to.”
This is the kind of stuff women talk about inside TechMae every single day. No judgment, just real ones keeping it real. We share doctor recommendations, decode our lab results, and vent about the frustration of not being heard. You don’t have to figure this out in a vacuum.
Related: This post on how to speak up for yourself is a must-read for women on their journey. It’s the confidence boost you need before your next appointment.
Start Here: Your First Step Today
Don’t get overwhelmed. Pick ONE action from below. Just one. Do it today, before the motivation fades.
Your Action Plan:
✅ Download a symptom tracker app (like Bearable or Symple) and log your main concern for 3 days.
✅ Script your opener. Write down exactly how you’ll describe your #1 symptom at your next appointment using specific, clinical language.
✅ Research one new doctor. Spend 15 minutes looking at reviews for a potential new PCP or specialist in your network.
✅ Text a friend and say, “Hey, can you come with me to my doctor’s appointment next week? I need a second set of ears.”
You might also love this article on side hustles – one of our most shared. Because dealing with medical gaslighting is stressful, and financial freedom gives you options for better care.
This Is Your Sign to Stop Doing It Alone
Women inside TechMae have been exactly where you are. We’ve swapped stories of misdiagnosis, celebrated finally finding a good doc, and shared the scripts that worked. Come find your people.
