“He’s not confused. He knows exactly what he wants. He just doesn’t want you the way you want him. And that’s not your fault — but staying is your choice.”
Let’s talk about the situationship you are currently overthinking at 2 AM. The one where he texts you every three days, calls you “babe” but won’t call you his girlfriend, and somehow makes you feel crazy for wanting clarity. Sis, I have been there. And I am not here to judge you — I am here to pull you out of the fog.
A situationship is not a relationship. It is not a friendship. It is emotional purgatory where you give girlfriend energy for situationship benefits — and he gives you just enough to keep you hooked. According to a 2023 study from the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 69% of people in a situationship reported feeling anxious about where things were going. Yeah, that is wild, right? Almost 7 out of 10 people are walking around feeling exactly how you feel. You are not alone. But girl, you do not have to stay stuck.
Here is the hard truth nobody tells you: a situationship survives because you let ambiguity become your comfort zone. You tell yourself “maybe he just needs time” or “things will change after this exam” or “he is not ready for a relationship right now.” Meanwhile, you are rearranging your schedule around his sporadic texts, analyzing his Instagram likes, and giving him access to your heart without any of the security. Listen to me — you deserve a love that does not require a decoder ring.
Why You Keep Showing Up for a Situationship That Doesn’t Show Up for You
There is a reason you are still in this situationship, and it is not because he is special. It is because your brain is literally addicted to the uncertainty. When you get a text from him after three days of silence, your brain releases dopamine — the same chemical that fires when you win a slot machine. You are not in love. You are in an intermittent reinforcement trap. Psychologists call it “variable ratio reinforcement” — and it is the same mechanism that makes gambling addictive. You keep pulling the lever because *maybe this time* it will pay off.
But here is what you are not seeing: every time you stay in this situationship, you are training yourself to accept less than you deserve. You are teaching your nervous system that breadcrumbs are enough. And the longer you stay, the harder it becomes to walk away because of something called the “sunk cost fallacy” — you have already invested so much time, energy, and emotion that leaving feels like losing. But sis, staying is the real loss. You are losing your self-respect one “wyd” text at a time.
💡 Quick Tip
Write down exactly what you want from a relationship — not what you will settle for, but what you actually want. Be specific. “I want someone who calls me when they say they will” or “I want to meet his friends.” Then look at your situationship. Does it match? If the answer is no, you have your answer.
Let’s be real about something else too: you might be using this situationship as a distraction from other parts of your life that feel hard. Maybe you are stressed about tuition, your roommate is driving you crazy, or you have no idea what you are doing after graduation. The situationship gives you something to focus on — something to obsess over — so you do not have to sit with the bigger, scarier questions. I get it. I have done it. But a situationship will never fix your tuition problem or make your career path clearer. It just keeps you busy while your real life waits on hold.
The Red Flags You Are Ignoring in Your Situationship
You know those little things that make your stomach drop but you push them down? Let me name them for you. He only texts after 10 PM. He has never introduced you to a single friend. He says he “doesn’t do labels” but has a whole Pinterest board for his future wedding. He cancels plans last minute and expects you to be cool with it. He remembers your coffee order but forgets your birthday. These are not mixed signals. These are clear signals that you are not a priority — you are an option.
A 2022 survey from the dating app Bumble found that 74% of women said they had been in a situationship they regretted staying in for too long. Let that sink in. Almost three out of four women have been exactly where you are. And the number one reason they gave for staying? “I thought if I was patient enough, he would change.” Baby girl, he will not change. He is showing you exactly who he is. Believe him the first time.
💊 What Works: “Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment” by Amir Levine – This book literally explains why you are drawn to avoidant partners and how to break the cycle. It is the single most useful book I have ever read about relationships and situationships. Read it. Highlight it. Then read it again.
What Actually Works to Leave a Situationship
Okay, enough about why you are stuck. Let’s talk about how to get out. And I am not going to tell you to just “ghost him” or “block him” without a plan — because I know that is not realistic for everyone. You need steps. You need a script. You need to feel ready.
You are not leaving a person. You are leaving a pattern that was never serving you.
Step one: You have to name what this is. Call it a situationship out loud. Say it to your best friend. Say it to yourself in the mirror. “I am in a situationship and I want more.” The moment you stop pretending it is something it is not, you take back your power. Ambiguity is the oxygen that keeps a situationship alive. When you name it, you kill it.
Step two: You need to have the conversation. I know, I know — your stomach is in knots just reading that. But you cannot leave a situationship without clarity unless you ghost, and ghosting usually leaves you with more questions than answers. Here is a script you can literally copy and paste: “I have enjoyed getting to know you, but I am looking for something real and consistent. I do not think we want the same thing, so I am going to step back. I wish you the best.” That is it. You do not need to explain yourself. You do not need to justify. You do not need to soften it so he feels better. You are allowed to leave.
Step three: You have to fill the space he leaves. This is the part nobody talks about. When you leave a situationship, you are not just losing him — you are losing the dopamine hits, the anticipation, the fantasy of what could be. That void is real. And if you do not fill it with something better, you will crawl back. So make a list of things you have been neglecting. Your gym routine. That side hustle you keep talking about. Calling your mom more. Learning to cook something that is not ramen. The situationship was taking up mental real estate — now you get to use that space for yourself.
The Truth Nobody Tells You About Leaving a Situationship
Here is the part that might sting: leaving a situationship is not just about him. It is about you. It is about why you accepted breadcrumbs in the first place. Maybe you grew up watching your mom accept less than she deserved. Maybe you have never been shown what healthy love looks like. Maybe you are terrified of being alone, so you settle for being half-chosen. I am not saying this to make you feel bad — I am saying this because understanding the “why” is the only thing that will keep you from jumping into the next situationship with the next guy who gives you a little attention.
“You are not too much. You are not asking for too much. You have just been giving your everything to someone who gives just enough to keep you around. That is not love — that is a transaction where you are the only one paying.”
I want you to think about your life five years from now. Where do you want to be? What do you want to feel? Do you want to look back and realize you spent your early twenties in a series of situationships that went nowhere? Or do you want to look back and see a woman who knew her worth, walked away from what did not serve her, and built a life she actually loves? The choice you make today — right now, with this situationship — sets the tone for every relationship you will ever have. This is not dramatic. This is real.
This is the kind of stuff women talk about inside TechMae every single day. No judgment, just real ones keeping it real. We talk about the hard stuff — the situationship you cannot quit, the family drama you are navigating, the career pivot you are scared to make. And nobody is pretending to have it all figured out. We are just figuring it out together.
Related: This post is a must-read for women on their journey to building stronger connections — with themselves and others.
Start Here: Your Situationship Exit Plan
I am going to give you one clear action you can take right now. Not tomorrow. Not when you “feel ready.” Right now. Open your notes app. Write this sentence: “I deserve someone who does not make me question my place in their life.” Then send that to yourself. Read it every morning for the next week. Let it sink into your bones. Because here is the thing — you cannot leave a situationship until you believe, deep down, that you deserve better. And you do. You absolutely do.
Why This Works:
✅ It rewires your brain to prioritize your own needs over his inconsistent attention
✅ It gives you a concrete anchor to hold onto when you feel like reaching out
✅ It reminds you that your worth is not negotiable — even when you miss him
You might also love this article — one of our most shared. It is about rebuilding your confidence after a situationship or breakup, and honestly, it is the kind of read that makes you feel like you can do hard things. Because you can.
And listen, I know this is hard. I know you might read this and still want to text him. That is okay. Healing is not linear. You might fall back into the situationship three more times before it sticks. That does not make you weak — it makes you human. But every time you come back to this truth, it gets a little easier. Every time you choose yourself, you build a little more muscle. And one day, you will look back at this situationship and realize it was just a chapter — not the whole story.
You are not behind. You are not broken. You are not asking for too much. You are a young woman learning what she wants and refusing to settle for less. That is not weakness. That is growth. And I am so damn proud of you for even reading this far.
This Is Your Sign to Stop Doing It Alone
Women inside TechMae have been exactly where you are. They have survived the situationships, the heartbreak, the “what are we” conversations that went nowhere. And they are building the lives — and love — they actually want. Come find your people.
