Let me tell you something I wish someone had screamed at me when I was 19: your time, your energy, and your peace are the most expensive things you own. And for most of my life, I was giving them away for free.
A year ago, I hit a wall. I was saying yes to every hangout, every favor, every extra shift, every “it’ll look good on your resume” opportunity that drained my soul. I was exhausted, broke, and honestly? I didn’t even know what I actually wanted because I was so busy being what everyone else needed.
So I decided to run an experiment. For one full year, I practiced saying no to anything that didn’t genuinely serve me. Not being rude. Not being a jerk. Just… honest. And girl, it changed everything.
“The difference between successful people and very successful people is that very successful people say no to almost everything.” — Warren Buffett
I know that quote sounds like LinkedIn luncheon talk. But when you’re a 22-year-old trying to figure out how to pay rent, keep your GPA up, not lose your friends, and still have a shred of sanity left? Saying no becomes a survival skill.
Why We Are Terrible at Saying No (Especially as Young Women)
Let’s be real for a second. From the time we are little girls, we are conditioned to be agreeable. Be nice. Don’t make waves. Help others. Be a team player. And somewhere along the way, we internalized that saying no makes us difficult, selfish, or ungrateful.
I remember in college, a friend asked me to co-host a campus event. I had three exams that week, a part-time job, and was running on 4 hours of sleep. But I said yes because I didn’t want to let her down. I ended up bombing my exams, getting sick, and resenting her for something that was entirely my fault. I said yes when I should have said no.
Here is the truth: every time you say yes to something you don’t want to do, you are saying no to yourself. To your sleep. To your grades. To your peace. To your future.
The average woman spends 13 hours per week doing things she doesn’t want to do just to please others. That is 676 hours a year. Let that sink in.
Yeah, that stat is wild. 676 hours. That is 28 full days of your life spent on things you didn’t even want to do. Imagine what you could build, learn, or experience with an entire month of your life back.
What Actually Happened When I Started Saying No
I’m not going to lie to you and say it was easy. The first few months were awkward as hell. I lost some “friends” — turns out, some people only liked me for what I could do for them. I had family members call me selfish. I had a boss guilt-trip me for not picking up extra shifts.
But here is what also happened:
✅ My GPA went up a full point because I actually had time to study.
✅ I stopped getting sick every month because I wasn’t running on fumes.
✅ I saved $3,200 in one year because I stopped saying yes to dinners, drinks, and outings I didn’t want to go to.
✅ I started a side hustle that actually made me money instead of working free “exposure” gigs.
✅ I figured out what I actually wanted — because I had the mental space to hear my own thoughts.
Saying no didn’t make me a worse person. It made me a better one. Because the things I did say yes to? I showed up fully. No resentment. No burnout. Just real presence.
💡 Quick Tip
Try the “24-Hour Rule” for saying no. When someone asks you for something, do NOT answer immediately. Say “Let me check my schedule and get back to you.” Then wait 24 hours. If your stomach drops at the thought of doing it, that is your answer. Say no.
The Scripts Nobody Taught You for Saying No
One of the biggest reasons we avoid saying no is because we don’t know how to say it without feeling like a villain. So here are the exact scripts I used — steal them:
To a friend who wants to hang out when you’re drained:
“I love you and I really need a night to myself tonight. Let’s plan something for next week instead.”
To a boss or professor asking for extra work:
“I can’t take that on right now without compromising my current responsibilities. Can we prioritize what matters most?”
To a family member guilting you:
“I know you’re disappointed, but I have to do what’s best for me right now. I love you and I’m not going to argue about this.”
To someone asking for a favor you don’t have bandwidth for:
“I’m not able to help with that, but I hope you find someone who can.”
Notice what none of these scripts do: they don’t apologize excessively. They don’t give a 10-minute explanation. They don’t lie. They are clear, kind, and firm. That is the sweet spot of saying no.
💊 What Works: The Art of Saying No by Damon Zahariades – This book literally gives you 50+ scripts for every situation. I kept it on my nightstand and referenced it constantly during my year of saying no. It is short, practical, and not preachy at all.
The Hardest No I Had to Say
I’m going to be real with you about the hardest saying no moment of my entire year. It wasn’t to a friend or a boss. It was to my own mother.
She wanted me to come home for a family event during finals week. A 6-hour drive each way. I would have lost three full days of studying. I knew if I went, I would fail my exams. But the guilt was crushing. She told me I was prioritizing school over family. She made me feel like a bad daughter.
I said no anyway. I cried after. But I passed my exams. And you know what? My mom got over it. She still loves me. Our relationship didn’t end. In fact, it got better because I stopped being a doormat and started being honest about my limits.
Here is what I learned: people who truly love you will adjust. People who only love what you do for them will leave. And that is a gift, not a loss.
The Truth Nobody Tells You About Saying No
Here is the part they don’t put on the inspirational Instagram posts. Saying no will make you uncomfortable. It will feel unnatural. You will second-guess yourself. You will wonder if you are being selfish. And sometimes, you will say no to the wrong things and miss out.
But here is the trade-off: you will also stop wasting your precious twenties on things that don’t matter. You will stop showing up to parties you hate just to be seen. You will stop dating people you’re not even that into because you’re afraid of being alone. You will stop taking on projects that burn you out for people who wouldn’t do the same for you.
The goal isn’t to say no to everything. The goal is to say no to the wrong things so you have the energy to say yes to the right ones.
“Your yes means nothing if you can’t say no. When you say yes to everything, your yes becomes worthless.”
How Saying No Saved My Finances
Okay, let’s talk about money because nobody told me how much saying no would save me. I was the girl who said yes to every dinner invite, every birthday brunch, every “let’s go out” text. I was spending $200-300 a month on things I didn’t even want to do.
When I started saying no, I put that money into a high-yield savings account instead. In one year, I saved $3,200. That paid for a summer internship I couldn’t have afforded otherwise. That internship led to my first real job offer.
A single no can literally change the trajectory of your life. Think about that next time you’re about to say yes to something you don’t want to do just because you’re afraid of missing out.
Why Saying No Works for Your Wallet:
✅ You stop spending money on activities you don’t enjoy
✅ You stop buying things to impress people you don’t even like
✅ You free up time to work on side hustles that actually pay
✅ You stop saying yes to unpaid “opportunities” that waste your skills
The Social Media Trap and Saying No
Can we talk about how social media makes saying no 10 times harder? You see everyone’s highlight reel — the parties, the trips, the brunches, the “look at my amazing life” posts. And FOMO hits you like a truck.
I had to unfollow accounts that made me feel like I was missing out. I had to remind myself that what I was seeing was a curated highlight reel, not real life. The girl posting the champagne brunch? She probably had a panic attack about her student loans right after. The guy traveling the world? His parents were funding it.
Real talk: saying no to social media comparison is one of the most important no’s you will ever say. Your life is yours. It doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s.
Start Here: Your 7-Day Saying No Challenge
If you’re reading this and thinking “I need to start saying no but I don’t know where to begin,” here is exactly what I want you to do:
Day 1: Say no to one social invitation you don’t want to go to. Use the script above.
Day 2: Say no to one extra task at work or school that isn’t your responsibility.
Day 3: Say no to one purchase you were going to make to impress someone else.
Day 4: Say no to one hour of scrolling and do something for yourself instead.
Day 5: Say no to one person who drains your energy — even if it’s just a short conversation.
Day 6: Say no to one comparison thought. Catch yourself and redirect.
Day 7: Say no to guilt. You are allowed to prioritize yourself.
At the end of the week, write down how you feel. I promise you, the freedom is addictive.
This is the kind of stuff women talk about inside TechMae every single day. No judgment, just real ones keeping it real.
Related: This post is a must-read for women on their journey.
The No That Changed Everything
I want to leave you with this. The most important no I said all year was to the voice in my head that told me I wasn’t enough. The voice that said I had to prove myself by doing everything for everyone. The voice that said my worth was tied to how useful I was to other people.
Saying no to that voice was the hardest and most freeing thing I have ever done. Because once you stop believing that you have to earn love by overextending yourself, you become unstoppable.
You are not a bad person for having boundaries. You are not selfish for protecting your peace. You are not lazy for saying no to things that drain you. You are a grown woman learning to steward her own life.
And that is exactly what you should be doing.
You might also love this article – one of our most shared.
This Is Your Sign to Stop Doing It Alone
Women inside TechMae have been exactly where you are. We share the real stuff — the wins, the failures, and everything in between. Come find your people.
