Therapy: What I Would Tell My Younger Self

Listen, nobody sits you down and tells you the real truth about therapy. Not the brochures, not the insurance website, not your well-meaning aunt who thinks you just need to pray about it. So let’s talk about it — the money, the awkward first sessions, the crying in your car after, all of it.

Because here’s what I know: so many of us are out here white-knuckling our mental health, telling ourselves we’ll deal with it when work slows down or when we make more money or when things “calm down.” Girl, things never calm down. You just get better at handling them — and therapy is how.

This isn’t a wellness lecture. This is the conversation your big sister should’ve had with you about therapy — the parts that actually matter.

Why So Many Women Avoid Therapy (And Why That’s Costing You)

Let me guess. You’ve thought about therapy. Maybe you’ve even googled “therapist near me” at 2am and then closed the tab because it felt like too much. You told yourself you don’t have the time, or the money, or it’s not “that bad.”

But sis, “not that bad” is how you end up crying in a work bathroom stall three months later. The thing about therapy is that it’s not just for people in crisis. It’s for the woman who’s functioning but exhausted. The one who’s hitting her goals but feels empty. The one who keeps attracting the same type of relationship. The one who can’t remember the last time she felt genuinely okay.

And here’s the part nobody tells you: avoiding therapy doesn’t save you money. It costs you. It shows up in your body — the tension headaches, the sleepless nights, the stomach issues your doctor can’t explain. It shows up in your career — the missed opportunities because you’re too anxious to speak up. It shows up in your relationships — the walls you’ve built that you don’t even notice anymore.

The Money Conversation Nobody Wants to Have About Therapy

I know what you’re thinking. “Therapy is expensive.” And you’re not wrong — it can be. But here’s what they don’t tell you: there are way more options than you think, and most of them are cheaper than the $200/hour private practice therapist you’re picturing.

First, if you have insurance, use it. Most plans cover therapy, and your copay might be as low as $20-$40 per session. Yes, really. Call the number on the back of your card and ask. Don’t assume it’s not covered — that assumption has kept too many women out of therapy.

If you don’t have insurance or your plan doesn’t cover it, look for sliding-scale therapists. These are providers who adjust their rates based on your income. Open Path Collective is a directory where sessions run $30-$80. And if you’re employed, check your company’s EAP (Employee Assistance Program) — most people don’t know they get 3-6 free therapy sessions per year through work. That’s literally free therapy you’re already paying for.

What Actually Works: Finding the Right Therapist for You

Here’s the thing about therapy that nobody says out loud: the first therapist you try might not be the one. And that’s okay. It’s like dating — you’re not going to marry the first person you match with on Hinge (hopefully).

When you’re looking for a therapist, you need to know what you actually want to work on. Anxiety? Trauma? Career stuff? Relationships? Different therapists specialize in different things. A therapist who’s great for couples counseling might not be the one for your childhood trauma work.

Also, consider what kind of therapy you want. CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) is great for anxiety and practical problem-solving. EMDR is specifically for trauma. Psychodynamic therapy digs into your past. Somatic therapy focuses on how your body holds stress. You don’t need to be an expert, but knowing the basics helps you ask better questions.

And please, don’t feel bad about “shopping around.” You’re allowed to have a consultation call with a therapist and decide they’re not the right fit. You’re allowed to switch after a few sessions if it’s not working. This is your mental health — be picky.

Let that sink in. Eleven years of struggling, of thinking it’ll get better on its own, of telling yourself you can handle it. That’s not strength — that’s suffering in silence. You deserve better than that.

The Truth Nobody Tells You About Therapy Sessions

Okay, let’s talk about what actually happens in therapy. Because I think a lot of women are scared of it because they don’t know what to expect.

Your first session is going to be awkward. You’re going to sit on a couch and talk to a stranger about your feelings. You might cry. You might not know what to say. That’s normal. A good therapist will guide you through it — they’re not going to sit there in silence judging you.

The first few sessions are usually about getting to know each other. Your therapist will ask about your history, your family, your goals for therapy. You don’t have to spill everything at once. You don’t have to talk about the thing you’re not ready to talk about yet. You can say “I’m not ready to go there” and that’s allowed.

And here’s the part that surprises most women: therapy might make you feel worse before it feels better. When you start pulling at the threads of old wounds, things can feel raw for a minute. That doesn’t mean therapy isn’t working — it means it is. You’re doing the work. The surface-level stuff is coming up so you can actually deal with it.

How Therapy Actually Changes Your Life (Not Just Your Mood)

You might think therapy is just about feeling better. But the real impact goes way beyond your emotions. Therapy changes how you show up in every area of your life.

Your career? Therapy helps you set boundaries. You stop saying yes to everything. You stop shrinking in meetings. You learn to ask for what you’re worth without apologizing for it. I’ve watched women negotiate raises after six months of therapy because they finally believed they deserved it.

Your relationships? Therapy teaches you what healthy actually looks like. You stop confusing anxiety with chemistry. You stop repeating the same patterns. You learn to communicate instead of shutting down. You stop choosing people who don’t choose you back.

Your money? This one might surprise you. A lot of financial behavior is emotional. The overspending, the fear of investing, the scarcity mindset — therapy helps you untangle the emotional stuff so you can make decisions from a place of clarity instead of fear.

And your body? Therapy can literally help. Chronic stress affects your sleep, your skin, your digestion, your immune system. When you start managing your mental health, your physical health often follows.

Types of Therapy: Finding What Fits Your Life

In-Person Therapy	Online Therapy
❌ Harder to schedule around work	✅ Sessions from your couch or car
❌ Limited by your location	✅ Access to therapists anywhere in your state
❌ Might have waitlists	✅ Often faster to get started
✅ Better for deep trauma work	❌ Might feel less connected for some

There’s no “right” answer here. Some women thrive with in-person sessions where they can leave their house and have that dedicated space. Others need the flexibility of telehealth because their schedule is chaos. Both are valid. Both work. The best therapy is the one you’ll actually show up for.

Start Here: Your First Step Toward Therapy

You don’t have to figure this all out at once. You just have to take one step. And I’m going to make it easy for you.

That’s it. That’s the whole thing. You don’t have to have it all figured out. You just have to start. And if the first therapist isn’t the right fit, you try again. You keep going until you find your person.

Because here’s what I know for sure: you deserve support. You deserve a space where you can be honest about what’s really going on. You deserve to not carry everything alone. Therapy isn’t a luxury — it’s a tool. And you’re allowed to use it.

This is the kind of stuff women talk about inside TechMae every single day. No judgment, just real ones keeping it real.

Related: This post is a must-read for women on their journey.

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