“I was told my crippling period pain was ‘just anxiety’ for three years. Turns out I had endometriosis that had already spread to my bowel. I was 22.”
Sis, if you have ever left a doctor’s office feeling confused, dismissed, or like you were making it all up — you are not crazy. You have been experiencing something called medical gaslighting, and it is way more common than anyone wants to admit.
Medical gaslighting is when a healthcare provider minimizes your symptoms, blames them on stress or anxiety, or flat-out tells you nothing is wrong — without actually running any tests. And girl, it happens to young women every single day.
I want you to know something important right now: your pain is real. Your body is not lying to you. And the fact that a doctor in a white coat made you feel small does not mean you were wrong. It means the system is broken, and we need to talk about how to navigate it without losing your mind.
What Medical Gaslighting Actually Looks Like in Real Life
Let me paint you a picture. You are 21, you have been dealing with debilitating cramps since you were 15, and you finally work up the courage to see a gynecologist. You sit in that cold room, you explain everything — the vomiting from pain, the days of class you have missed, the way it is affecting your grades and your relationships — and the doctor says, “Have you tried yoga? Maybe you just need to relax.”
That is medical gaslighting. And it is not just about period pain. It shows up when you tell your primary care doctor you are exhausted all the time and they say “you are probably just stressed from school.” It shows up when you mention weird digestion issues and they blame it on your diet without testing for anything. It shows up when you say something feels wrong and they make you feel like you are being dramatic.
Women wait an average of 7-10 years for an endometriosis diagnosis. Let that sink in.
Here is the thing about medical gaslighting that nobody tells you: it does not just hurt your feelings. It delays your diagnosis. It makes conditions worse. It costs you money, time, and sometimes irreversible damage to your body. When you are told “it is nothing” for years, you stop advocating for yourself. You start believing maybe you are the problem. And that is exactly when things get dangerous.
I have a friend who was told her chronic fatigue was “just depression” for two years. She was 19, a sophomore in college, struggling to get out of bed for anything. They kept prescribing antidepressants that did nothing. Finally, she pushed for a thyroid panel. Hashimoto’s disease. Autoimmune condition that could have been managed way earlier if someone had just listened to her.
Why Does Medical Gaslighting Happen to Young Women?
There is a long history here, and I am not going to bore you with a lecture. But the short version is: medicine has been studying men’s bodies for centuries and treating women’s symptoms as “hysterical” or “emotional” for just as long. That bias did not disappear when we got better technology. It just got quieter.
When you are young — especially if you are a woman of color — the statistics get worse. Black women are three times more likely to die from pregnancy-related complications than white women. Women with chronic pain conditions wait longer to get treatment than men with the same symptoms. And young women specifically get told their pain is “growing pains” or “hormones” or “stress from school” constantly.
💡 Quick Tip
Before your next appointment, write down every single symptom with dates and severity. Use a notes app or a physical journal. Doctors take written records more seriously than verbal complaints. It changes the power dynamic immediately.
Here is what I need you to understand about medical gaslighting: it is not always malicious. Sometimes doctors are overworked. Sometimes they genuinely believe they are helping by reassuring you. But intention does not erase impact. If you leave feeling dismissed, that is a problem. And you have every right to seek a second, third, or fourth opinion until someone takes you seriously.
I remember being 23 and going to urgent care with what I thought was a kidney infection. The doctor barely looked at me, said it was probably just a UTI, and sent me home with antibiotics. Three days later I was in the ER with a 104 degree fever. My kidney infection had gotten worse because nobody ran a culture. That is medical gaslighting in action — and it almost landed me in the hospital for a week.
💊 What Works: The Symptom Tracker Journal – This is literally designed to log your symptoms with dates, severity, and triggers. Hand it to your doctor at the start of your appointment. It forces them to look at data instead of dismissing you. Game changer for anyone dealing with medical gaslighting.
How to Protect Yourself from Medical Gaslighting
Okay so now we know the problem. Let us talk about what you can actually do about it. Because you should not have to be a medical expert to get basic healthcare, but unfortunately that is where we are right now.
First thing: bring someone with you. I know it feels weird to ask your roommate or your mom to sit in a doctor’s office with you, but having a second person changes everything. They can take notes, ask questions you did not think of, and back you up when you feel yourself getting flustered. Medical gaslighting thrives when you are alone and vulnerable. Do not give it that opportunity.
Second: use specific language. Instead of saying “I have a lot of pain,” say “I have a pain level of 8 out of 10 that has been happening for 6 months, and it stops me from going to class at least twice a month.” Numbers and specifics are harder to dismiss. Doctors respond to data. Give them data.
Third: ask for tests directly. This is the scary one, but it works. Say “I would like a blood test to rule out thyroid issues” or “Can we do an ultrasound to check for endometriosis?” If they say no, ask them to document in your chart that they refused the test. Something about liability paperwork makes providers suddenly more willing to listen.
I know it feels uncomfortable to be assertive with someone who has a medical degree. But listen — you are paying them (or your insurance is). This is a service. You are the customer. And you deserve to be taken seriously. Medical gaslighting only works when you let it. The moment you start pushing back, the whole dynamic shifts.
The Truth Nobody Tells You About Doctors
Here is something I wish someone had told me at 19: doctors are not gods. They are humans who went to medical school. Some of them are amazing. Some of them are burnt out. Some of them have unconscious biases they have never examined. And some of them are just bad at their jobs. None of that is your fault, and none of it means you should stop advocating for yourself.
I want you to think about medical gaslighting like this: if you went to a mechanic and they said “your car is fine” but your car was still making that weird noise, would you just accept it? No. You would go to another mechanic. You would get a second opinion. You would insist they check the thing you know is wrong. Your body deserves that same energy.
“The most dangerous phrase in medicine is ‘it’s probably nothing.’ Trust your gut. Your intuition is data too.”
There is also something specific about being a young woman that makes medical gaslighting worse. You are in this weird space where you are old enough to make decisions but young enough that some providers still talk to you like a child. Add in the fact that you might be on your parents’ insurance, or you might be navigating a college health center, and suddenly you are dealing with a system that was not designed to listen to you.
I have seen so many women in TechMae talk about going to their campus health center with real concerns and being told to “drink more water and get more sleep.” One girl was passing out regularly and they told her she had “low iron from bad eating habits.” She pushed for more testing. Turns out she had a heart condition that required surgery. Medical gaslighting almost cost her everything.
What Actually Works When You Are Being Gaslit by a Doctor
Okay, real talk time. Here is the step-by-step plan I want you to save, screenshot, and use next time you feel like your concerns are being dismissed.
Why This Works:
✅ Prep before you go: Write down everything — symptoms, timeline, what makes it better or worse. Bring it printed or in a notes app.
✅ Bring backup: A friend, family member, or even a video call on speaker. You need a witness who can speak up if you freeze.
✅ Name it: If you feel dismissed, say “I feel like my concerns are being minimized and I would like that documented.” Watch how fast they change their tone.
✅ Get it in writing: Ask for a printed summary of your visit. If they refused a test, it should be in that summary. If it is not, request it.
✅ Second opinion rule: If something still feels off after one appointment, book another with a different provider. Your gut is not wrong.
One more thing — and this is important — your mental health history does not invalidate your physical symptoms. Just because you have anxiety or depression does not mean every ache and pain is “in your head.” That is one of the most common forms of medical gaslighting I see. Doctors love to blame everything on mental health once they see it in your chart. Do not let them. You can have anxiety AND a thyroid condition. You can have depression AND chronic pain. They are not mutually exclusive.
I had a girl in TechMae tell me she was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder at 20, and for the next three years every single health concern she had was blamed on anxiety. Chest pain? Anxiety. Stomach issues? Anxiety. Fatigue? Anxiety. Finally she ended up in the ER with a gallbladder attack that required emergency surgery. The surgeon told her she had been walking around with gallstones for years. Medical gaslighting stole three years of her health.
This is the kind of stuff women talk about inside TechMae every single day. No judgment, just real ones keeping it real.
Related: This post is a must-read for women on their journey.
Start Here: Your First Step to Fighting Medical Gaslighting
I know this is a lot to take in. And I know it can feel overwhelming to think about advocating for yourself in a system that is stacked against you. But here is the thing — you do not have to do it perfectly. You just have to start.
Your first step today: open your notes app and write down one health concern you have been ignoring or minimizing. Just one. Write down when it started, how it feels, and what you think might be wrong. That is it. That is the first brick in building your case for yourself.
Tomorrow, text a friend and tell them you are going to book an appointment about it. Accountability helps. And next week, make that call. Even if it is scary. Even if you are worried they will dismiss you again. You deserve answers. You deserve care. And you deserve to be taken seriously.
Medical gaslighting is real. It is harmful. And it is not your fault. But you have more power than you think. You have your voice, your records, your support system, and the knowledge that you are not alone in this. Thousands of women have been exactly where you are and have gotten the answers they needed. You can too.
You might also love this article – one of our most shared.
This Is Your Sign to Stop Doing It Alone
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