What Sadness Taught Me About Myself

Hey sis. Let’s talk about something that messes with almost every young woman I know — the difference between sadness and depression. You’ve probably felt that heavy cloud roll in and immediately told yourself “I’m fine, I’m just sad, everyone gets sad.” And sure, that’s true. But here’s the thing nobody tells you: confusing sadness with depression is like confusing a stubbed toe with a broken leg. Both hurt. But one needs a cast, sis.

I remember sitting in my dorm room sophomore year, staring at the ceiling for three hours straight, and telling my roommate “I’m just going through a sad phase.” I didn’t want to admit it was bigger than that. Because if it was depression, that meant something was wrong with me, right? Wrong. Absolutely wrong. And I’m going to break this down for you so you can actually tell the difference — because knowing the difference changes everything.

So grab your coffee, get comfortable, and pretend we’re on FaceTime. I’m about to tell you the things I wish someone had told me when I was 19 and crying in the library bathroom between classes.

Why Your Brain Is Gaslighting You About Sadness

Here’s the thing about sadness — it’s a normal, healthy human emotion. You’re supposed to feel sad sometimes. When you fail a class, when your situationship ends, when your friend group falls apart, when you’re homesick and broke and tired. Sadness is your brain’s way of processing loss and disappointment. It comes, it stays for a bit, and then it leaves. Like a storm that passes.

But depression? Depression is the storm that sets up camp. It doesn’t leave. It changes your furniture. It starts telling you lies about yourself. And the scary part? Sometimes depression doesn’t even look like sadness. Sometimes it looks like exhaustion, irritability, numbness, or that feeling of being completely disconnected from your own life. You might not even feel “sad” — you might just feel empty.

I need you to understand something important: sadness has a trigger. You can usually point to it and say “I’m sad because ________.” It could be a breakup, a bad grade, a fight with your mom, feeling lonely in a new city. Depression? Depression often has no obvious trigger. You wake up and the weight is already there, and you can’t figure out why. And then you start blaming yourself for not being able to “snap out of it” — which just makes everything worse.

According to the National Institute of Mental Health, about 17.3 million adults in the U.S. had at least one major depressive episode in 2017. That’s roughly 7% of the adult population. And among young women aged 18-25? The rates are even higher — nearly 13%. Let that sink in. One in eight women your age is dealing with this right now. You are not broken. You are not alone. This is a medical condition, not a character flaw.

The Checklist Nobody Gave You: Sadness vs. Depression

Let me give you something practical. This is the checklist I wish someone had handed me when I was trying to figure out what was happening in my own head. If you check off more than a few of these on the depression side, it’s time to stop telling yourself “I’m just sad.”

Sadness (Normal)	Depression (Needs Attention)
✅ Comes in waves, then passes	❌ Stays for weeks or months without relief
✅ You can still enjoy things sometimes	❌ Nothing feels enjoyable anymore (anhedonia)
✅ You have energy to function	❌ You’re exhausted even after sleeping 10 hours
✅ You can identify the cause	❌ There’s no clear reason, or everything feels like a reason
✅ You still care about your appearance/hygiene	❌ Basic tasks (showering, brushing teeth) feel impossible
✅ You can still focus on school/work	❌ Your grades or work performance are dropping noticeably

If you’re reading this and thinking “oh no, that’s me” — take a breath. You’re not broken. You’re not weak. You’re not overreacting. You’re experiencing a medical condition that affects millions of women your age. And the good news? It’s treatable. But you have to stop calling it sadness first.

What Actually Works When It’s More Than Sadness

Okay, so you’ve figured out that what you’re feeling might be bigger than just sadness. Now what? First, I need you to hear this: you don’t have to have a formal diagnosis to deserve help. You don’t need to be “bad enough” to reach out. If you’re struggling, you’re struggling. Period.

Here’s what actually helped me — and what I’ve seen help hundreds of women in the TechMae community. Start with these three steps. Don’t try to do all of them at once. Pick one. Just one.

Step 1: Talk to someone who actually gets it. Not your mom who tells you to “just pray about it.” Not your friend who says “same girl, same” and then changes the subject. I mean someone who is trained to help. Most colleges offer free counseling sessions — use them. If you’re not in school, check out Open Path Collective, which offers therapy for $30-60 per session for people with financial need. You can also text HOME to 741741 for free crisis support. That’s real. That’s immediate. That’s for you.

Step 2: Stop trying to fix your sadness alone. I know you’re independent. I know you’ve been handling things on your own since you were 15. But depression is not something you can think your way out of. It’s not a mindset problem. It’s a brain chemistry and life circumstance problem that requires real solutions. The strongest thing you can do is admit you need backup.

Step 3: Create one tiny non-negotiable for yourself. When I was deep in it, I couldn’t do the whole “self-care routine” thing. But I could do one thing: drink a full glass of water when I woke up. That’s it. Some days that was my only win. But it was still a win. You can build from there. Maybe it’s walking outside for five minutes. Maybe it’s sending one text. Maybe it’s just brushing your teeth. Start smaller than you think you need to.

The Truth Nobody Tells You About Sadness and Depression

Here’s the part that really gets me. Nobody tells you that sadness and depression can exist at the same time. You can be clinically depressed AND have real, valid reasons to be sad. Your feelings don’t cancel each other out. You can be depressed about your brain chemistry AND sad about your breakup AND anxious about your future — all at once. That’s not being “too much.” That’s being human.

And nobody tells you that grief can look like depression. If you lost someone — a family member, a friendship, a relationship, even a version of yourself — the sadness from that loss can trigger a depressive episode. That doesn’t mean you’re weak. It means you’re processing something painful, and your brain needs support.

Here’s another truth: social media is making this worse for you, and I’m not saying that to be dramatic. Studies show that young women who spend more than 2 hours per day on social media are significantly more likely to report depressive symptoms. Why? Because you’re constantly comparing your behind-the-scenes to everyone else’s highlight reel. You see them laughing with friends while you’re struggling to get out of bed, and you think something is wrong with you. Nothing is wrong with you. You’re just comparing your real life to their curated one.

The sadness you feel from that comparison? That’s normal. But if that sadness turns into a constant feeling of inadequacy that follows you everywhere — even when you’re not on your phone — that’s depression knocking at your door.

This is the kind of stuff women talk about inside TechMae every single day. No judgment, just real ones keeping it real.

Related: This post is a must-read for women on their journey.

Start Here: Your First 48 Hours

You don’t need a 30-day plan right now. You don’t need a vision board or a gratitude journal or a morning routine. You need to get through the next 48 hours. Here’s exactly what I want you to do:

I know this feels scary. I know part of you wants to close this tab and pretend you didn’t read it. But you’re still here, which means you’re ready to face this. And that takes guts. Real guts.

You might also love this article — one of our most shared. It goes hand-in-hand with what we talked about today.

One last thing before I let you go. That sadness you’ve been carrying? It’s not your fault. And neither is depression. But staying silent about it? That’s a choice you can unmake. You deserve to feel better. Not perfect. Not fixed. Just better. And that starts with being honest about what you’re actually dealing with.

You’ve got this. And you’ve got us.