“Being alone used to feel like a punishment. Now it feels like the only place I can actually hear myself think.”
Sis, let me ask you something. When was the last time you were truly alone with yourself — not scrolling, not texting, not half-watching something on Netflix — just you and your own thoughts? If you just felt a little twinge of discomfort, that is exactly why I need you to read this.
Because here is the thing about solitude: most of us were never taught how to sit in it. We were taught to fill the silence. Call somebody. Turn on the TV. Get back on the apps. Do anything but be alone with ourselves.
But solitude is not the same thing as loneliness — and once you understand the difference, your whole life opens up. Let me break it down.
Loneliness and Solitude Are Not the Same Thing
Loneliness is the ache of feeling disconnected. It is that heavy feeling when you are surrounded by people and still feel invisible. Solitude is different. Solitude is choosing to be alone, on purpose, because you actually like your own company.
Here is the wild part: you can be lonely in a relationship, lonely at a party, lonely at work. And you can feel completely full sitting by yourself at a coffee shop. The difference is not the number of people around you — it is whether you feel at home with yourself.
So many of us fill every quiet moment because we are scared of what we will hear when it gets silent. But that silence? That is where the good stuff lives. That is where you figure out what you actually want — not what your family wants, not what your partner wants, not what Instagram says you should want.
💡 Quick Tip
Next time you reach for your phone out of habit, pause for 10 seconds first. Ask yourself: am I reaching for this because I need something, or because I am avoiding being alone with my own thoughts? That tiny pause starts rewiring your relationship with solitude.
Why You Feel Weird About Being Alone
Nobody taught us this. Think about it. From the time we were little, we were shuffled from class to activity to friend group to family dinner. There was always someone around. Then suddenly you are an adult with a quiet apartment and an hour to yourself, and it feels… wrong.
Add to that the way social media has trained us to think everyone else is always doing something amazing. You see people out with their friends, on dates, at brunch, and you start to feel like being alone means something is wrong with you. Let me tell you right now — that is a lie.
Some of the most successful, magnetic, fulfilled women I know guard their solitude fiercely. They do not fill every night. They do not say yes to everything. They protect their alone time like it is money in the bank — because it is.
The average person checks their phone 96 times a day. That is 96 chances to escape a moment of solitude.
How to Actually Build a Solitude Practice
Okay, so how do you actually get comfortable being alone? You practice. Here is what that looks like in real life:
Start with 15 minutes. Not a whole day, not a weekend retreat. Just 15 minutes of being alone with no screens. Drink your coffee on the balcony. Take a walk around the block without your phone. Sit in your car after work for a few minutes before going inside. That is it.
Do something alone that you actually enjoy. Not something productive. Not a chore. Something that is just for you. Go to a movie by yourself. Browse a bookstore. Sit at a cafe with a drink and people-watch. The goal is to teach your brain that being alone can feel good.
Get curious about your own thoughts. When you are alone and your mind starts wandering, do not immediately distract yourself. Ask yourself questions. What is actually bothering me right now? What do I want that I have been ignoring? What would I do if nobody was watching?
Why This Works:
✅ You stop needing external validation to feel okay
✅ You start making decisions from clarity instead of fear
✅ You become someone you actually want to spend time with
The Career Benefits of Getting Comfortable With Solitude
Here is where it gets real. The women who are climbing in their careers, building businesses, negotiating their salaries — they are not doing it in a constant crowd. They are doing it in the quiet moments where they can actually think.
Solitude is where you map out your next move. It is where you realize you are underpaid before you walk into that meeting. It is where you get clear on what you are building and why. You cannot hear your own ambition if you are constantly drowning it out with noise.
I have talked to women who made their biggest career leaps during periods where they were spending more time alone. They stopped going to every happy hour, stopped saying yes to every invite, and started using that time to think, plan, and build. That is not antisocial. That is strategic.
“The most powerful thing you can do is learn to be your own company. Then you stop settling for people who do not deserve your energy.”
What to Do When Solitude Feels Lonely
Now listen — I am not going to pretend being alone is always easy. Sometimes it is hard. Sometimes the quiet brings up stuff you have been avoiding. That is okay. That is actually the point.
If you are alone and feeling lonely, do not panic. Do not immediately call someone or open an app. Sit with it for a minute. Ask yourself what the loneliness is telling you. Maybe you need more connection in your life. Maybe you need to reach out to a friend. Maybe you just need to feel your feelings instead of running from them.
The goal is not to become a hermit. The goal is to get to a place where being alone does not scare you — because when you are not afraid of being alone, you make better choices about who you let into your life.
The Truth Nobody Tells You About Solitude
Here is the insider truth: the people who cannot be alone are usually the ones who are most afraid of themselves. They are afraid of what they will discover if they stop and listen. So they keep moving, keep talking, keep filling the silence.
But you are not that person. You are reading this because something in you wants to get better at this. You want to be someone who can sit in a quiet room and feel peace instead of panic. And you can — it just takes practice.
The more time you spend with yourself, the more you will start to like who you are. You will stop needing other people to tell you what you are worth. You will stop settling for relationships that drain you because you will realize your own company is better than being mistreated. That is the power of solitude.
💊 What Works: The Power of Off by Nancy Colier – This book breaks down why we are addicted to distraction and gives you real tools to build a healthier relationship with being alone. It is not fluffy — it is practical and it will change how you spend your quiet time.
Start Here
So what do you do today? Pick one thing:
Option 1: Take a 15-minute walk without your phone. Just you and the outside world. Notice what you think about.
Option 2: Go to a coffee shop alone and sit for 30 minutes. Bring a journal if you want, but no scrolling. Just be there.
Option 3: Tonight, before bed, sit in the dark for 5 minutes. No phone, no music, no TV. Just breathe and let your mind settle.
That is it. That is the whole practice. Start small. Build up. Get comfortable with your own company. And watch how your whole life starts to shift when you stop running from solitude.
This is the kind of stuff women talk about inside TechMae every single day. No judgment, just real ones keeping it real.
Related: This post is a must-read for women on their journey.
You might also love this article — one of our most shared.
This Is Your Sign to Stop Doing It Alone
Women inside TechMae have been exactly where you are. Come find your people.
And remember, sis — learning to enjoy your own company is not about being alone forever. It is about becoming so whole that when you do choose to be with someone, it is because you want them, not because you need them. That is the kind of woman you are becoming. Keep going.
