Women Are Talking About Solo Date and You Should Too

Okay sis, let’s talk about something that sounds terrifying but will actually change your life: a solo date. I know, I know. The thought of sitting at a restaurant by yourself or wandering around a museum alone might make your stomach flip. But hear me out, because this is one of those things nobody tells you that you need to start doing immediately.

Here is the thing. We spend so much of our lives waiting for other people to show up. Waiting for a friend to be free for brunch. Waiting for a boyfriend to plan a night out. Waiting for a roommate to want to see the same movie. And in that waiting, you lose something important. You lose the ability to just… be with yourself.

I remember the first time I took myself on a solo date. I was 22, fresh out of a situationship that left me feeling like I didn’t even know who I was anymore. I walked into a little Italian place, sat at the bar, ordered pasta and a glass of wine, and pulled out a book. For two hours, nobody talked to me. Nobody asked me what I wanted to do next. Nobody needed anything from me. And I swear, something clicked. That night, I started learning how to be my own person.

Why You Are Avoiding a Solo Date (And Why That Is Costing You)

Let’s be real for a second. The reason you haven’t taken yourself on a solo date is probably the same reason I avoided it for years. You are scared of what people will think. You are scared of looking lonely. You are scared that if you sit alone with your thoughts, you might actually have to face some stuff you have been avoiding.

And yeah, that is valid. But here is what nobody tells you. The discomfort you feel at the beginning of a solo date is actually growth trying to happen. That awkwardness? That is your brain realizing it doesn’t need external validation to exist in public. That is a muscle you have to build.

Think about how much of your life is dictated by other people’s schedules. You skip the gym because your friend bailed. You stay home on Friday because nobody texted you back. You eat sad leftovers instead of going to that new café because going alone feels weird. Every single time you do that, you are giving your power away. You are telling yourself that your experience is less valuable if nobody else is there to witness it.

That stat is from a survey done by Eventbrite a few years ago, and honestly? It tracks. How many times have you missed out on something you actually wanted to do just because you didn’t want to show up alone? A concert. A hike. A coffee shop you have been dying to try. That is not just sad — that is a pattern that keeps you small.

And here is the thing nobody says out loud. Waiting for someone else to join you is actually a form of self-abandonment. You are telling yourself that your desires are conditional. That you only get to do things you love if someone else approves or participates. That is a dangerous habit to build, especially in your twenties when you are supposed to be figuring out who you actually are.

What a Solo Date Actually Looks Like (No, It Is Not Depressing)

Okay, so let’s break this down. A solo date is literally just an activity you do alone, on purpose, with the intention of enjoying your own company. That is it. It does not have to be a fancy dinner. It does not have to be expensive. It just has to be something you want to do, that you do not wait for anyone else to do with you.

Here are some solo date ideas that women in their twenties actually love:

– Breakfast at a diner with a book and zero rush. Just you, pancakes, and no notifications.
– A movie in the theater where you pick the film and nobody asks you to explain the plot.
– A walk through a neighborhood you have never explored, with a coffee in hand and a podcast in your ears.
– Thrift shopping without someone rushing you or making comments about what you try on.
– A museum or art gallery where you stand in front of one painting for fifteen minutes if you want to.
– A solo picnic in a park. Bring a blanket, some snacks, and a playlist you made just for this.

The point is not the activity. The point is that you are choosing yourself. You are showing up for yourself the way you would show up for a friend. You are proving to your own brain that you are worth spending time with.

The Real Reason You Need a Solo Date Habit

Here is what I wish someone had told me at 19. The way you treat yourself on a solo date is a direct reflection of how you will let other people treat you. If you constantly cancel on yourself, you will tolerate people who cancel on you. If you never take yourself out, you will accept crumbs from people who do not value your time. If you cannot sit comfortably with your own thoughts, you will stay in relationships that are bad for you just to avoid being alone.

A solo date is not just a nice thing to do. It is a boundary-setting practice. It is you saying to the universe: “I am enough. I do not need someone else to make my life feel full.” And once you believe that, you stop accepting less than you deserve in every single area of your life.

I have a friend who started doing solo dates every Sunday after a bad breakup. She would go to a different coffee shop every week, order something she had never tried, and journal for an hour. Within three months, she had a list of her favorite spots in the city, a journal full of insights about herself, and a confidence that was honestly magnetic. She stopped dating guys who were lukewarm about her because she had gotten so used to treating herself well that anything less felt offensive.

That is what a solo date does. It raises your standards. Not just for romance, but for everything. For how you spend your time, for how you talk to yourself, for what you tolerate from friends and family and employers.

How to Actually Plan Your First Solo Date (Step by Step)

Okay, so you are convinced. You want to try a solo date. But you are nervous. I get it. Let me walk you through exactly how to do this so it does not feel terrifying.

Step one: Pick a time and put it in your calendar like a real appointment. Treat it like a meeting you cannot cancel. If you leave it as “maybe this weekend,” it will never happen. Pick a specific day and time. Write it down.

Step two: Choose somewhere low stakes. Do not pick a fancy restaurant where you will feel awkward. Pick a casual spot. A breakfast place. A bookstore with a café. A park bench. Somewhere where being alone is normal and nobody will look at you twice.

Step three: Bring something to do. A book. A journal. A crossword puzzle. A podcast in your headphones. The goal is not to sit there staring into space (unless you want to). The goal is to enjoy your own company, and having something to focus on helps ease the initial awkwardness.

Step four: Leave your phone in your bag as much as possible. I know, this is the hard part. But scrolling Instagram defeats the whole purpose. You are supposed to be present with yourself. If you need a crutch, use a physical book or a notebook. Something that keeps you in the moment instead of escaping it.

Step five: Stay for at least 45 minutes. The first 15 minutes will feel weird. That is normal. Push through it. By minute 30, you will start to relax. By minute 45, you will probably not want to leave. Give yourself time to settle into the experience.

The Truth Nobody Tells You About Solo Dates

Here is the part that might sting a little. The reason you are uncomfortable with the idea of a solo date is probably because you are not used to being alone with yourself. And that is not your fault. We live in a world that constantly tells you to fill every silence. You have notifications, group chats, TikTok, Netflix, roommates, family obligations. When was the last time you sat in a room with absolutely nothing and nobody for more than ten minutes?

Most of us cannot do it. And that is a problem, because if you cannot be alone with yourself, you will make decisions from a place of fear. You will stay in situations that drain you because leaving means being alone. You will say yes to plans you do not want because saying no means an empty Friday night. You will accept love that is not good enough because you are terrified of what happens when the apartment gets quiet.

A solo date is the antidote to that. It is exposure therapy for being alone. And the more you do it, the less scary it gets. Eventually, it becomes something you crave. I promise you, there will come a day when you actively look forward to your solo date. When you protect that time like it is sacred. When you turn down invitations because you already have plans with yourself.

And honestly? This skill will serve you in ways you cannot even imagine right now. When you graduate and move to a new city where you do not know anyone, being comfortable on a solo date will save you from months of loneliness. When you travel for work or study abroad, you will actually explore instead of hiding in your hotel room. When you go through a breakup, you will not spiral because you already know how to enjoy your own company.

I took myself on a solo date last week. I went to a dim sum place I had been wanting to try, ordered way too much food, and sat there reading a book for two hours. A woman at the table next to me kept glancing over, and I could tell she was trying to figure out if I was sad or weird or both. And I just smiled at her and went back to my book. Because I know something she does not. I am not lonely. I am just choosing myself.

What to Do If a Solo Date Feels Too Hard Right Now

Listen, if the idea of a full solo date makes you want to crawl out of your skin, start smaller. You do not have to jump into dinner alone at a crowded restaurant on a Saturday night. That is advanced level. You can start with the beginner version.

Beginner solo date: Go to a coffee shop you have never been to. Order a drink. Sit for 20 minutes with no phone. Just look out the window and think. That is it. That counts.

Intermediate solo date: Go to a movie alone. This is actually easier than dinner because the theater is dark and nobody is looking at you. You can ease into it without feeling exposed.

Advanced solo date: Dinner at a nice restaurant. Sit at the bar if the idea of a table alone feels too much. Bartenders are used to solo diners and will usually chat with you if you want, or leave you alone if you do not.

Expert solo date: Weekend trip alone. Book a hotel in a nearby city, go to museums, eat at restaurants, explore by yourself for an entire weekend. This is the level where you become genuinely unbothered by what anyone thinks.

Beginner Solo Date	Advanced Solo Date
❌ 20 minutes at a coffee shop	✅ Weekend trip to another city
❌ Bring a book or podcast for comfort	✅ No crutches — just you and your thoughts
❌ Low stakes, minimal discomfort	✅ High growth, maximum self-trust
❌ Builds confidence slowly	✅ Transforms your relationship with yourself

Pick the level that feels right for you today. There is no shame in starting small. The point is to start. The point is to prove to yourself that you can do it. And then do it again. And again. Until it becomes normal. Until it becomes something you actually look forward to.

What a Solo Date Will Teach You About Yourself

This is the part that surprised me the most. When you start doing solo dates regularly, you start noticing things about yourself that you never saw before. You realize what you actually like, not what your friends like or what your boyfriend likes or what you think you should like. You discover your own opinions.

I learned on a solo date that I actually hate matcha lattes. I had been ordering them for years because every aesthetic café girl on Instagram had one in her hand. But sitting alone with that bitter green drink, I finally admitted to myself: I do not like this. I switched to chai and never looked back. That sounds small, but it is not. It is practice for bigger things. For admitting you do not like the person you are dating. For admitting your major is not fulfilling you. For admitting you want something different than what everyone expects.

A solo date gives you space to hear your own voice. And your own voice is the only one that actually matters when it comes to your life.

I have a friend who realized during a solo date at a museum that she actually hates modern art but loves classical landscapes. She had been pretending to like abstract pieces for years because she thought it made her look cultured. Now she goes to the classical wing and actually enjoys herself. That is freedom. That is what happens when you stop performing for other people.

This is the kind of stuff women talk about inside TechMae every single day. No judgment, just real ones keeping it real.

Related: This post is a must-read for women on their journey.

Start Here

Here is your assignment. This week, you are going to plan one solo date. Not next month. Not when you feel ready. This week. Open your calendar right now and pick a time. It can be 30 minutes. It can be two hours. But pick a time and commit to it.

Write it down. Tell a friend you are doing it so you are accountable. Put it in your phone with a reminder. And then show up for yourself the way you would show up for a best friend who needed you.

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