“You are not cursed. You are just comfortable. And your brain is on autopilot.”
Listen, girl. You’ve been here before. The face is different, but the vibe is the same. The situationship feels like a rerun of the last one. The roommate drama is hitting the same notes. Even the boss giving you side-eye is giving… déjà vu.
You’re asking “why does this keep happening to me?” Sis, it’s not happening *to* you. You’re subconsciously choosing it. And it all comes down to your patterns. Let’s talk about why you keep attracting the same type of person and how to actually break the cycle.
Your Brain is Lazy (And That’s Okay)
Your brain loves a shortcut. It’s trying to save energy for your 8 AM lecture and your side hustle. So it defaults to what’s familiar, even if what’s familiar is a whole mess.
That “spark” you feel? Often it’s just your nervous system recognizing a dynamic it knows how to navigate. Chaotic childhood? You might mistake anxiety for excitement. Distant parent? The emotionally unavailable guy feels like home. These are subconscious patterns running the show.
💡 Quick Tip
Next time you feel that “instant connection,” pause. Ask yourself: “Does this feel excitingly NEW, or dangerously FAMILIAR?” Write down the answer in your notes app before you text back.
📓 What Works: LEUCHTTURM1917 Hardcover Notebook – This isn’t for pretty quotes. It’s for the real, ugly, pattern-spotting work. Physically writing down your interactions helps you see the cycles you can’t see in your head.
What Actually Works: The Pattern Audit
Vibes won’t fix this. You need a system. Grab that notebook. We’re doing a Pattern Audit.
Think of the last 3 people who drained you (romantic, friend, boss). For each, list: 1) What they PROMISED (fun, stability, a promotion). 2) What they actually DELIVERED (drama, flakiness, more work). 3) The first red flag you IGNORED. Seeing it on paper is a gut punch that changes everything.
It takes 66 days to form a new habit. Your bad relationship patterns took years. Be patient with yourself.
The Truth Nobody Tells You
Sometimes you attract these people because on some level, you believe you deserve the treatment you tolerate. Ouch, right? But stay with me.
If you’re overworked and underpaid at your internship, you’ll attract the guy who wants all your energy and gives little back. If you’re constantly criticizing your own body, you’ll befriend the girl who makes “harmless” comments about your lunch. You teach people how to treat you by what you accept from yourself first.
“You can’t attract a healthy partner if your tolerance for dysfunction is still on your resume.”
This is the kind of stuff women talk about inside TechMae every single day. No judgment, just real ones keeping it real.
Related: This post is a must-read for women on their journey.
Start Here: The 2-Week Boundary Experiment
You don’t have to fix everything today. For the next two weeks, practice saying one clear “no” or stating one clear need in a low-stakes situation. That’s it.
“No, I can’t cover that shift.” “I need 24 hours to think about that.” “I’d prefer if we split the Uber.” This rewires your brain’s pattern from “default = accommodate” to “default = consider my needs.”
Why This Works:
✅ It’s small enough that you’ll actually do it.
✅ It builds the muscle before the big test (like a new date or job).
✅ It subconsciously signals new standards to everyone around you.
You might also love this article – one of our most shared.
This Is Your Sign to Stop Doing It Alone
Women inside TechMae have been exactly where you are. Come find your people.
