Sis. Let me tell you something I wish someone had screamed at me when I was crying in my dorm bathroom freshman year because I thought I was “over it” but then suddenly wasn’t.
Your healing is not going to look like a straight line. It is going to look like a toddler’s crayon drawing after they had too much sugar. And that is not just okay — that is how it is supposed to go.
I know you want to be done. I know you want to wake up one day and be “fixed.” But healing does not work like that, and the faster you stop expecting it to, the faster you will actually start to feel better.
“Healing is not a destination you arrive at. It is a rhythm you learn to dance with — even when you step on your own toes.”
Why You Feel Like You Are “Backsliding” (But You Are Actually Not)
Here is the thing nobody tells you about healing. You are going to have good days where you feel like you have conquered everything. You are going to have bad days where you are sobbing into a pint of ice cream wondering if you will ever be normal. And both of those days are part of the process.
I remember when I was 22, fresh out of a toxic situationship (we have all been there), and I thought I was good. I was going to the gym. I was hanging with friends. I was “focusing on myself.” Then one random Tuesday, I heard a song that reminded me of him and I literally could not get out of bed. I thought I had failed. I thought my healing was fake.
But here is what I learned: Healing is not about never feeling pain again. It is about what you do when the pain shows up.
💡 Quick Tip
Next time you have a “bad day” in your healing journey, do not ask “why am I still broken?” Ask “what is this feeling trying to tell me?” Your emotions are not your enemy. They are your internal GPS trying to reroute you.
Think about it like this. When you break your arm, the doctor does not say “okay you are healed” and send you to go lift weights the next day. You go to physical therapy. Some days you can bend your arm more. Some days it hurts like hell. Some days you feel like you are back at square one. But you are not. Your bones are literally knitting themselves back together under the surface, even when you cannot feel it.
Your healing is the same. Just because you cannot see the progress does not mean it is not happening.
The Social Media Trap That Is Sabotaging Your Healing
Girl, let me call you out with love. You are scrolling through TikTok and Instagram, and you see all these “healed” girls doing morning routines at 5 AM, journaling with perfect handwriting, and looking like they have never had a breakdown in their lives. And you look at your messy room and your unwashed hair and you think “what is wrong with me?”
Here is the truth. Those girls are performing healing for an audience. Real healing happens in the moments nobody films. It happens when you choose to text your friend instead of your ex. It happens when you let yourself cry in the shower instead of numbing out. It happens when you go to therapy even though you do not feel like talking.
87% of young women say social media makes them feel “behind” in their healing journey. Let that sink in.
Yeah, that stat is wild, right? You are not alone in feeling this way. But here is what I need you to understand. The algorithm does not care about your healing. It cares about your attention. It shows you the highlight reel of everyone else’s journey and compares it to your behind-the-scenes reality. That is not fair, and it is not real.
So here is your assignment. For the next week, unfollow or mute any account that makes you feel like your healing is not enough. You do not have to announce it. You do not have to make a post about it. Just do it. Your mental health is worth more than a strangers curated aesthetic.
What Your Healing Actually Needs (Not What Instagram Tells You)
Listen. I am not going to tell you to “just manifest it” or “think positive thoughts.” That is not how trauma works, and I am not going to gaslight you into pretending it does. Real healing requires real tools. And sometimes those tools are things you can actually buy and use.
💊 What Works: The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk – This book literally changed how I understood my own healing. It explains why you react the way you do and what your body is holding onto. It is not an easy read emotionally, but it is the most important book I have ever read about healing trauma.
I also swear by this guided journal for when you do not know what to say to your therapist or yourself. Sometimes the words do not come until you put pen to paper. And that is okay.
But here is the thing about products. They are tools, not solutions. Buying a journal will not heal you. Reading a book will not heal you. What heals you is showing up, day after messy day, and doing the work even when it is uncomfortable.
Why This Works:
✅ It validates your experience — you are not crazy, your brain is literally wired this way
✅ It gives you practical steps — not just “feel better” but actual exercises
✅ It helps you understand why you keep repeating the same patterns — and how to stop
The Stages Nobody Warns You About
When I talk to women in the TechMae community about their healing journeys, I hear the same thing over and over. “I thought I was done, but then something triggered me and I felt like I was right back at the beginning.”
So let me break down what healing actually looks like in real life, not in a Pinterest infographic.
Stage 1: The Crash. This is the messy part. You just got out of something — a relationship, a job, a friendship, a family situation — and you are raw. You are crying in public. You are eating your feelings. You are calling your mom at 2 AM. This stage feels like you are dying, but you are actually just shedding what no longer fits. This stage can last anywhere from a few weeks to a few months. Be gentle with yourself here.
Stage 2: The Fake It Phase. This is when you start to feel “better” but you are honestly just distracted. You are going out more. You are swiping on dating apps. You are throwing yourself into work or school. You think you are healed, but you are actually just avoiding the quiet moments where the pain still lives. This is the most dangerous stage because you can get stuck here for years. I was stuck here for two years after my first real heartbreak.
Stage 3: The Confrontation. This is where the real healing happens. Something forces you to sit with the pain you have been running from. Maybe it is a therapist asking the right question. Maybe it is a late night where you cannot distract yourself anymore. Maybe it is a new relationship that triggers your old wounds. This stage hurts. But it is also where you actually start to release things instead of just covering them up.
Stage 4: The Integration. This is when you start to realize that the thing that broke you actually taught you something. You are not the same person you were before, and that is okay. You have new boundaries. You have new wisdom. You know what you will not tolerate anymore. This is not “being healed” in the way you imagined. It is being whole — scars and all.
“You do not heal by forgetting. You heal by remembering and no longer being controlled by the memory.”
The Truth Nobody Tells You About Relapsing
Okay, let me get real with you for a second. You are going to relapse. Not in the addiction sense necessarily, but in the sense that you are going to have moments where you fall back into old patterns. You are going to text someone you should not have texted. You are going to skip therapy because you do not want to deal with it. You are going to have a day where you feel like all your progress was a lie.
And that is normal. That is human. That is healing.
Here is what I need you to understand. A relapse is not a failure. It is data. It is information about what still needs attention. It is your subconscious telling you “hey, we missed something over here.” When you fall back, you do not start over from zero. You start from experience. You know the path now. You just hit a detour.
I want you to think about it like learning to ride a bike. You fall. You scrape your knee. You cry. But then you get back on, and you know exactly what you did wrong last time. You adjust. You try again. Eventually, you are riding without even thinking about it. But even then, sometimes you hit a pothole and you wobble. That does not mean you forgot how to ride. It means you are still learning the terrain.
Your healing is the same. You are going to wobble. You are going to hit potholes. You are going to have days where you need training wheels again. And that is okay.
What Actually Works When You Feel Stuck
I am going to give you three things you can do TODAY when your healing feels stuck. Not “manifestation” or “positive vibes.” Real, actionable steps that work.
1. Name the feeling. Do not say “I feel bad.” That is too vague. Say “I feel abandoned because my friend did not text me back and it reminded me of when my ex ghosted me.” Say “I feel ashamed because I ate my feelings last night and now I feel out of control.” When you name it, you take away its power. Your brain cannot fight something it cannot define.
2. Move your body. I am not talking about a workout to change your body. I am talking about movement to process emotion. Trauma lives in the body. If you are feeling stuck in your healing, go for a walk. Stretch. Shake your hands out. Dance in your room to a sad song. Your body holds what your mind cannot process. Move it through.
3. Talk to someone who gets it. This is the biggest one. You cannot heal in isolation. You need someone who has been there. Someone who will not judge you for crying over something “stupid.” Someone who will say “yeah, I have been there too” instead of “just get over it.”
This is the kind of stuff women talk about inside TechMae every single day. No judgment, just real ones keeping it real.
Related: This post is a must-read for women on their journey.
Start Here
Your one action for today. I want you to take out your phone and open your notes app. Write down one thing you are proud of yourself for. It can be small. “I brushed my teeth today.” “I did not text my ex.” “I showed up to class even though I was tired.” Put your phone down. Then pick it up and write one thing you are struggling with. No judgment. Just honesty. That is your starting point.
Why This Works:
✅ It breaks the cycle of shame — you are acknowledging reality without punishing yourself
✅ It creates a reference point — next week you can look back and see how far you have come
✅ It reminds you that both things can be true — you can be struggling AND making progress
You might also love this article — one of our most shared.
Look, I am not going to sit here and tell you that your healing will be easy. It will not. Some days you are going to feel like you are walking through mud. Some days you are going to wonder if it is even worth it. But I am telling you this from the other side of some really dark nights. It is worth it. You are worth it. And you do not have to do it alone.
Your healing does not have to look like anyone else’s. It does not have to be pretty. It does not have to be linear. It just has to be yours.
This Is Your Sign to Stop Doing It Alone
Women inside TechMae have been exactly where you are. Come find your people.
You are not broken. You are not behind. You are not alone. You are healing in your own time, in your own way. And that is exactly how it is supposed to be.
Now go be kind to yourself today. You deserve it.
