Therapy: What I Would Tell My Younger Self

Let’s be real for a second. You’ve probably thought about therapy at least three times this month — between crying in your car after a shift, lying awake at 2am replaying that fight with your mom, or realizing you’ve been ghosting your friends because you just don’t have the energy to fake it.

But finding a therapist who actually gets you? That feels like trying to find a parking spot at IKEA on a Saturday. Stressful, confusing, and honestly you’re not even sure where to start.

I’ve been there, sis. I spent three months on a waitlist, had one awkward Zoom session with someone who asked me how I “felt about my mother” in the first five minutes, and almost gave up entirely. But here’s what nobody tells you: finding the right therapist is literally a skill you can learn. And I’m going to teach you exactly how to do it.

Why Most People Quit Before They Even Start

The statistics around therapy are honestly wild. Nearly 50% of people who start therapy quit before they find the right fit. Let that sink in for a second. Half of us give up because the first person we try doesn’t click — and then we convince ourselves that therapy “just doesn’t work for me.”

Girl, it’s not you. It’s the matching process. You wouldn’t marry the first guy you swiped right on, so why are you expecting the first therapist you Google to be your soulmate?

The truth is, therapy is a relationship. And like any relationship, you need chemistry, trust, and the feeling that this person actually sees you. Not just your symptoms. Not just your diagnosis. But you — the girl who’s juggling tuition payments, roommate drama, imposter syndrome at your internship, and the constant pressure to have your life together by 25.

What You Actually Need to Look For

Here’s the part that changed everything for me. When you’re looking for therapy, you need to stop searching for “therapist near me” and start searching for what you actually need. Are you dealing with anxiety? Trauma? Family stuff? Body image issues? Dating app burnout? Because a therapist who specializes in couples counseling is not going to help you with your panic attacks before exams.

Think of it like this: you wouldn’t go to a dermatologist for a broken arm. So don’t go to a therapist who works with corporate executives when you need someone who understands what it’s like to be 22, broke, and terrified you’re falling behind everyone on Instagram.

Here are the specific things you want to look for when you’re vetting a therapy match:

The Red Flags You’re Probably Ignoring

Okay, let’s talk about the stuff nobody warns you about. Because finding therapy that actually works also means knowing when to walk away. And girl, I need you to hear this: you are allowed to fire your therapist.

Yes, you read that right. If after three sessions you feel worse, dismissed, or like you’re performing for them instead of being real — you can leave. You don’t need a reason. You don’t need to explain. You just need to find someone who actually gets you.

Here are the red flags I wish someone had told me about:

🚩 Red Flag Therapist	✅ Your Actual Match
❌ Talks more than they listen	✅ Asks questions that make you think
❌ Dismisses your feelings (“It’s not that bad”)	✅ Validates your experience without minimizing it
❌ Checks the clock constantly	✅ Makes you feel like you have their full attention
❌ Gives generic advice you could get from a TikTok	✅ Gives you tools specific to YOUR life

Listen, therapy is hard enough without feeling like you have to impress your therapist. You’re not there to be a “good patient.” You’re there to get un-stuck, to heal, to figure out why you keep dating emotionally unavailable people, to stop spiraling at 3am, to finally feel like you’re enough.

The Truth Nobody Tells You About Therapy

Here’s the real talk that changed everything for me. Therapy is not about lying on a couch talking about your childhood for ten years. That’s what movies show you. Real therapy is work. It’s uncomfortable. It’s showing up and saying the thing you’ve been too embarrassed to say out loud.

And sometimes, the best therapy sessions are the ones where you cry for 40 minutes and barely say a word. Sometimes it’s the session where you realize you’re actually angry, not sad. Sometimes it’s realizing that the voice in your head telling you you’re not good enough — that’s not your voice. That’s your mom’s, or your ex’s, or the voice of every social media post you’ve ever seen.

The right therapist will help you untangle all of that. But you have to be willing to do the messy part first.

How to Actually Find Your Match (Step by Step)

Okay, let me give you the exact system I used and that I’ve helped dozens of women in TechMae use to find therapy that actually fits. No fluff, just steps you can take today.

Step 1: Know what you’re bringing to the table. Before you even open Google, spend 10 minutes writing down what you actually want to work on. Is it anxiety? Self-esteem? A specific event? Just “I feel lost”? Be honest. This helps you filter therapists who actually specialize in what you need.

Step 2: Use the right platforms. Don’t just Google “therapist near me.” Use platforms like Open Path Collective (sliding scale, affordable), BetterHelp or Talkspace (virtual, convenient), or Therapy for Black Girls or Latinx Therapy if you want someone who understands your cultural context. These platforms let you filter by specialty, insurance, and vibe.

Step 3: The consultation is YOUR interview. When you book that free 15-minute call, come with questions. Ask them: “How do you work with young women?” “What’s your approach to anxiety?” “Have you worked with people who struggle with [your specific issue]?” If they can’t answer clearly, move on.

Step 4: Give it three sessions. The first session is always awkward. You’re nervous, they’re assessing you, it feels weird. That’s normal. But by session three, you should feel a little lighter after leaving. If you still feel worse, or like you’re performing, it’s okay to try someone else.

Step 5: Be patient with yourself. Finding the right therapy match can take time. I went through three therapists before I found my person. And when I did, it changed everything. Not because she fixed me, but because she helped me see myself clearly for the first time.

This is the kind of stuff women talk about inside TechMae every single day. No judgment, just real ones keeping it real. Because we all know that finding therapy that works is hard enough without feeling like you’re doing it alone.

Related: This post is a must-read for women on their journey.

Start Here

Here’s your one move for today. Open your phone right now and text yourself the name of one therapy platform you’re going to check out. That’s it. Just one. No pressure to book anything. Just look at the options. See what’s out there. Let yourself imagine what it would feel like to actually have someone in your corner who’s trained to help you untangle the mess.

Because here’s the thing — you don’t have to have it all figured out. You don’t have to be in crisis to deserve support. You just have to be willing to try.

And if today’s not the day? That’s okay too. But keep the door open. Because when you’re ready, there’s a therapist out there who will look at you and say, “I see you. And I know exactly how to help.”

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