“I used to think being alone meant I was unwanted. Now I know it means I’m in good company.”
Okay, sis. Let’s talk about something nobody actually teaches you: how to enjoy being alone without feeling like something is wrong with you. Because I know exactly what it feels like when your phone is dry, your roommates are out, and you are just sitting there with your thoughts wondering if everyone else is having more fun than you.
The truth about solitude? It scared me too. For years I filled every empty minute with a call, a scroll, a plan, a situationship that went nowhere — anything to avoid sitting still with myself. But here is what I learned the hard way: if you cannot stand being alone with yourself, you will let the wrong people keep you company just to avoid the silence. And girl, that is how you end up drained, distracted, and disconnected from the one person who actually matters — you.
Why Does Being Alone Feel So Uncomfortable?
Let me break this down. We are the first generation that has never had to sit with our own thoughts. Think about it. When was the last time you waited for a bus without pulling out your phone? Ate a meal without watching something? Lay in bed without scrolling until your eyes burned? Yeah. That is what I thought.
The discomfort of solitude is not because something is wrong with you. It is because your brain has been trained to reach for distraction every single time boredom or loneliness shows up. And here is the kicker — the more you avoid being alone, the more you convince yourself you cannot handle it. It is a cycle. And it is costing you more than you realize.
47% of young women say they feel uncomfortable being alone with their thoughts for more than 10 minutes. Let that sink in.
A study from Harvard actually found that people would rather give themselves electric shocks than sit alone in a room with nothing but their thoughts for 15 minutes. Fifteen minutes. That is wild, right? But it makes sense when you realize we have never practiced being present with ourselves. We treat solitude like a punishment instead of what it actually is — a superpower.
The Difference Between Loneliness and Solitude
Here is where it gets real. Loneliness and solitude are not the same thing, but they feel identical at first. Loneliness is that hollow ache of wanting connection you do not have. Solitude is choosing to be with yourself — and actually enjoying your own company. The difference is intention.
When you are lonely, you are looking for an escape. When you practice solitude, you are looking for yourself. And I am not gonna lie to you — the first few times you try it, it might suck. You might feel restless, anxious, like you should be doing something productive or social. That is normal. That is your brain throwing a tantrum because it is not getting its usual dopamine hit.
💡 Quick Tip
Start with 5 minutes. Set a timer. No phone, no music, no podcast. Just sit somewhere comfortable and let your mind wander. Do this every day for a week and watch how your relationship with yourself shifts.
What Actually Works: How to Build a Real Relationship With Solitude
Okay, so you want to actually enjoy being alone. Not just tolerate it — enjoy it. Here is what I have learned from years of being the girl who could not sit still to the girl who actually protects her alone time like it is sacred.
First, you have to stop treating alone time as “waiting time.” You know what I mean — that feeling like you are just killing time until someone texts you back or until the next plan happens. That mindset keeps you in a state of lack. Instead, start treating your alone time as the main event. You are not waiting for anything. You are choosing this.
Second, give yourself something to look forward to during your solitude. This is not about forcing yourself to meditate if that is not your vibe. It is about making your own company feel like a treat, not a chore. Here are some things that actually work:
Why This Works:
✅ Solitude dates – Take yourself to a coffee shop, a bookstore, or a park. No phone. Just you and a journal or a book. It rewires your brain to associate being alone with pleasure.
✅ Creative projects – Paint, write, play an instrument, do a puzzle. When you create alone, you stop needing external validation for your time.
✅ Movement without distraction – Walk without headphones. Run without a playlist. Stretch in silence. Let your body feel itself without noise covering it up.
💊 What Works: The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron – This book is basically a 12-week course in rediscovering your creative self through solitude practices. It has changed the game for so many women I know. The morning pages exercise alone is worth the price.
The Truth Nobody Tells You About Solitude
Here is the part that changed everything for me. When you learn to enjoy solitude, you stop being desperate. You stop accepting breadcrumbs from people who are not sure about you. You stop staying in friendships that drain you just because you are afraid of being alone. You stop dating people who do not deserve you because suddenly, your own company feels like a better option.
That is the real power of solitude. It is not just about being okay alone — it is about becoming so comfortable with yourself that you stop letting people treat you like an option. Because when you know how good your own presence is, you do not settle for anyone who makes you feel lonely in a crowded room.
“Your relationship with solitude will determine the quality of every other relationship in your life. Get that right, and everything else falls into place.”
And listen, I know it is easier said than done. Especially when social media is constantly showing you everyone else having fun without you. Especially when your friends are coupled up and you are the only single one. Especially when family drama makes you feel like you have to show up for everyone else before yourself. I have been there. We all have.
But here is what I want you to hear: solitude is not a punishment for being alone. It is a reward for being brave enough to meet yourself. And the more you practice it, the less scary it becomes. It actually becomes something you crave. Something you protect. Something you look forward to at the end of a long day.
How to Start Enjoying Solitude When You Are Broke, Busy, and Burned Out
I know you are juggling tuition, maybe a part-time job, roommate drama, and trying to figure out what you actually want to do with your life. Adding “learn to love being alone” to the list might feel like just another chore. But here is the thing — solitude is actually the cheapest form of self-care you can invest in. It costs zero dollars and it pays dividends in peace of mind.
Start small. If you cannot do a full evening alone, do 10 minutes before bed. If you cannot sit in silence, start with a walk around the block without your phone. If you cannot handle being alone in your apartment, go sit in a library or a park where other people are but you do not have to interact with them. That counts too.
The goal is not to become a hermit. The goal is to become someone who does not panic when the plans fall through. Someone who does not spiral when the group chat goes quiet. Someone who can be alone without feeling lonely. That is the freedom that solitude gives you.
💡 Quick Tip
Create a “solitude playlist” that you only listen to when you are alone by choice. It can be instrumental, lo-fi, nature sounds, or even a podcast you save for solo walks. Your brain will start associating that sound with the peace of being alone, and it will become something you actually look forward to.
This is the kind of stuff women talk about inside TechMae every single day. No judgment, just real ones keeping it real. Because we all went through that phase of pretending we were fine being alone when we were actually lonely. And we all came out the other side knowing that solitude is not something to survive — it is something to savor.
Related: This post is a must-read for women on their journey to building a life that actually feels good from the inside out.
Start Here: Your First Solitude Challenge
I am not gonna leave you with just vibes. Here is your actual assignment for this week. Pick one day — just one — where you have no plans. No coffee date, no study group, no family obligation. And instead of filling that day with errands or doom-scrolling, you are going to spend at least two hours in intentional solitude.
Here is exactly what to do during those two hours:
Your 2-Hour Solitude Date Plan:
✅ First 30 minutes: No screens. Journal, doodle, or just sit with your thoughts. Let yourself be bored. Boredom is where creativity lives.
✅ Next 30 minutes: Move your body. Walk, stretch, dance — but no headphones. Listen to the world around you.
✅ Final hour: Do something you genuinely enjoy. Read a book, cook a nice meal, take a long bath, work on a hobby. The point is to associate being alone with pleasure.
You might also love this article — one of our most shared. It walks you through exactly how to use solitude as a tool for figuring out who you actually are, not just who you think you should be.
Look, I am not saying it is going to be easy at first. The first time I tried to sit alone with no distractions, I lasted about four minutes before I grabbed my phone. But I kept trying. And now? I actually cancel plans sometimes just to have a night in with myself. That is not sad. That is growth.
The women who learn to love solitude are the ones who end up with the best friendships, the healthest relationships, and the most aligned careers. Why? Because they know themselves. They have spent enough time alone to know what they actually want, what they actually need, and what they will no longer tolerate. That is power, sis. And it is waiting for you on the other side of your fear of being alone.
So here is your permission slip: You do not have to be surrounded by people to be loved. You do not have to be busy to be valuable. You do not have to be in a relationship to be whole. You can sit in a room by yourself and still be exactly where you are supposed to be. That is the gift of solitude. And once you unwrap it, you will never look back.
This Is Your Sign to Stop Doing It Alone
Women inside TechMae have been exactly where you are. Come find your people — the ones who get it, who have been through it, and who will cheer you on every step of the way.
You got this. And I am right here rooting for you. Now go enjoy your own company — you are actually pretty great to be around.
