“You are not crazy. You are not too sensitive. And you are definitely not imagining it.”
Sis, let’s talk about microaggressions. You know that feeling when someone says something at work and it lands wrong — but you can’t quite explain why? And then you spend the rest of the day wondering if you’re overreacting?
You’re not. Microaggressions are real, they’re exhausting, and they’re happening to you more often than you probably realize. The little comments. The surprised looks. The way you get talked over in meetings but the same idea sounds brilliant when someone else says it.
Here’s what nobody tells you: dealing with microaggressions isn’t about being tough or just ignoring them. It’s about having a strategy. And that’s exactly what we’re breaking down today.
First — What Actually Counts as a Microaggression?
Microaggressions are those subtle, often unintentional slights that communicate something negative about your identity — your race, gender, age, accent, body, religion, whatever makes you, you. They’re not always loud or obvious. That’s what makes them so draining.
It’s the coworker who asks “where are you really from” like your answer wasn’t good enough. The manager who calls you “articulate” like it’s a compliment. The team lead who assumes you’re the admin when you’re actually the project director. The colleague who touches your hair without asking. The person who says “you’re so aggressive” when you’re just being direct.
Individually? They seem small. Cumulatively? They wear you down. Research shows that experiencing microaggressions regularly leads to burnout, anxiety, and even physical health issues. Yeah, that’s wild right? The “little things” are literally making you sick.
💡 Quick Tip
Start keeping a private log. Date, time, what was said, who was there. You don’t need it for HR right now — but you need it for yourself. Patterns become clear when you write them down, and if you ever DO need to escalate, you’ll have receipts.
Why Microaggressions Hit Different at Work
At work, you can’t just walk away. You can’t clap back the way you would with a rude stranger at Target. You have bills. You have a reputation to protect. You have that one manager who could make your life hell if you “cause problems.”
So you swallow it. You smile. You tell yourself it’s not that deep. And then you go home and replay the conversation in your head for three hours while you’re supposed to be relaxing.
That’s the trap. Because when you don’t address microaggressions, they don’t go away — they multiply. People test boundaries. If you never push back, you become the safe target.
64% of women say they’ve experienced microaggressions at work
Let that sink in. You are not the only one. You are not dramatic. This is a systemic issue, not a you issue.
💊 What Works: The Asshole Survival Guide by Robert Sutton – This book gives you actual scripts and strategies for dealing with difficult people at work without losing your cool or your job. It’s like having a therapist and a career coach in your bag.
What Actually Works When You’re Facing Microaggressions
Okay, so what do you actually DO? Because “just ignore it” is not a strategy, and “report it to HR” isn’t always safe or effective. Here’s what actually works:
1. Name it in the moment — calmly. You don’t have to give a TED talk. A simple “What do you mean by that?” or “That came across a certain way — can you clarify?” puts the spotlight back on them. Most people will backpedal immediately because they know they said something off.
2. Use the broken record technique. If someone keeps making the same microaggression, repeat your response every single time. “That’s not okay.” “I’m not comfortable with that.” “Please don’t say that.” You don’t owe anyone a new reaction every time. Consistency sends a message.
3. Find your allies. Who else in the room notices? Who else is tired of the same nonsense? You don’t have to fight alone. Having even one person who will say “yeah, that was weird” after a meeting makes a huge difference for your mental health.
4. Document everything. I said it before and I’ll say it again. Dates. Times. Witnesses. Exact quotes. If things escalate, you need a paper trail. And if you’re in a one-party consent state, you can legally record conversations. Check your local laws.
5. Protect your peace outside of work. You cannot pour from an empty cup. Therapy, journaling, venting to your girls, moving your body — whatever helps you release the tension. You deserve to not carry work home with you.
Why This Approach Works:
✅ You stay in control of the narrative — you’re not the “angry” one, you’re the professional one
✅ You create a record that protects you if you need to escalate
✅ You signal to others that you’re not an easy target
✅ You preserve your energy for the battles that actually matter
The Truth Nobody Tells You About Microaggressions
Here’s the thing they don’t teach you: sometimes the best response is no response. And that’s not weakness — that’s strategy.
You don’t have to educate every person who says something ignorant. You don’t have to be the DEI spokesperson for your entire office. You don’t have to make everyone comfortable with your existence.
Some battles are worth fighting. Some aren’t. And you get to decide which is which based on your energy, your goals, and your safety. That’s not letting them win — that’s being smart about where you invest your power.
“Your silence is not agreement. Your peace is not permission. And your success is the loudest response you’ll ever give.”
Also? Sometimes the microaggressions are a sign. A sign that this workplace doesn’t deserve you. A sign that it’s time to update your resume and start looking. You don’t have to stay somewhere that constantly makes you feel small.
The job market is yours to navigate. Companies are desperate for good people. And there are workplaces that will actually respect you. Don’t let fear keep you somewhere that’s dimming your light.
When to Escalate (And How to Do It Right)
If the microaggressions are consistent, escalating, or coming from someone with power over your career — it might be time to go to HR. But you need to do it strategically.
First, check your employee handbook. What’s the process? Who do you report to? Is there an ombudsman? Knowing the rules protects you.
Second, bring receipts. Your log, your emails, your notes. Stick to facts, not feelings — even though your feelings are valid. HR responds to patterns and documentation, not emotion.
Third, know your rights. Depending on where you live and what’s happening, some microaggressions cross the line into illegal harassment or discrimination. The EEOC website has resources. So do employment lawyers — many offer free consultations.
And fourth? Prepare for the possibility that HR isn’t on your side. HR protects the company, not you. Sometimes the best move is to document everything, keep your head down, and find your next opportunity.
This is the kind of stuff women talk about inside TechMae every single day. No judgment, just real ones keeping it real.
Related: This post is a must-read for women on their journey.
Start Here
If you’re dealing with microaggressions right now, here’s your one action step: start your documentation log today. Not tomorrow. Not when it happens again. Today.
Open your notes app. Create a new note called “Work Receipts.” Write down every incident you can remember from the past month — date, what happened, who was there, how it made you feel. Going forward, add to it in real time.
Your Microaggression Action Plan:
✅ Document everything — dates, times, witnesses, exact words
✅ Practice one go-to response so you’re never caught off guard
✅ Identify one trusted person at work you can debrief with
✅ Protect your mental health outside of work — therapy, journaling, movement
✅ Know when it’s time to update your resume and move on
This isn’t about becoming bitter or combative. It’s about becoming strategic. You deserve to work somewhere that sees your brilliance, not somewhere that makes you question it.
And remember — you’re not alone in this. Not even close.
You might also love this article – one of our most shared.
This Is Your Sign to Stop Doing It Alone
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