Women Are Talking About Self-care and You Should Too

Okay sis, let’s have a real talk about self-care. Not the Instagram version with the rose quartz roller and the $9 oat milk latte that you can’t afford anyway. I’m talking about the kind of self-care that actually changes your life — the gritty, uncomfortable, behind-the-scenes work nobody posts about.

You know what I mean, right? You’ve been scrolling through TikTok, seeing girls your age with their “self-care Sunday” aesthetic, and you’re sitting there thinking, “I just took a shower and paid my phone bill on time — does that count?”

Girl, it absolutely does. But let’s go deeper. Because real self-care? It’s not always pretty. Sometimes it’s ugly-crying in your car after a shift at that job you hate. Sometimes it’s finally blocking your toxic situationship. Sometimes it’s choosing the 8 AM class even though you’re exhausted because you know future you will thank you.

Let me break this down for you like a big sister who’s been there.

Why Your Current “Self-Care” Routine Is Failing You

Here’s the thing nobody tells you: buying a face mask and lighting a candle is not going to fix the fact that you’re drowning in student loans, your roommate ate your leftovers again, and your mom keeps asking when you’re going to “settle down.”

I’m not saying bubble baths are bad. I love a good bath as much as the next girl. But if you’re using a sheet mask as a bandaid for burnout? We need to talk. That’s like putting a Hello Kitty bandaid on a broken leg — cute, but not doing anything useful.

The wellness industry is a $4.5 trillion global market. Yeah, trillion with a T. And they want you to believe that buying their products will fix your stress. But let’s be real: no amount of lavender essential oil is going to fix the fact that you haven’t checked your bank account in two weeks because you’re scared of what you’ll see.

Let that sink in. You’re not alone if you’ve been doing this. I did it too. I spent my sophomore year of college buying bath bombs from Lush like they were going to save me from my failing GPA and the fact that I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. Spoiler: they didn’t.

What Real Self-Care Actually Looks Like

Real self-care is uncomfortable. It’s the stuff you’ve been avoiding. It’s looking at your bank statements instead of ignoring them. It’s saying no to plans you don’t actually want to go to. It’s going to therapy even though your culture says “we don’t do that.” It’s setting boundaries with your family even though you know it’ll cause drama.

Here’s a breakdown of what real self-care looks like at different stages of your life:

Fake Self-Care	Real Self-Care
❌ Buying another candle to “relax”	✅ Opening your 401k or savings account
❌ Binge-watching Netflix to “decompress”	✅ Going to bed at a reasonable hour
❌ Buying a planner you’ll never use	✅ Actually writing down your goals and checking them
❌ “Treating yourself” to fast food	✅ Cooking one real meal this week
❌ Venting to friends without taking action	✅ Making a plan to change the situation

The Self-Care You Actually Need Right Now (By Age Group)

Let’s get specific, because self-care looks different when you’re 16 versus when you’re 25. Here’s what you need to focus on based on where you are in life:

If You’re 16-18 (High School):

Your self-care right now is about survival and building foundations. You’re dealing with college applications, friend drama, and the pressure to have your whole life figured out. Real self-care for you looks like:

• Applying for scholarships even when it’s boring — that’s self-care for your future bank account
• Deleting Instagram for a week — your brain needs a break from comparing yourself to everyone
• Telling your parents “I need a break” without apologizing — that’s a boundary, sis
• Actually studying for the SAT instead of cramming — future you will be so grateful

If You’re 19-22 (College):

Girl, this is the era where self-care gets real. You’re navigating independence, maybe your first real relationship, roommates from hell, and the existential crisis of choosing a major. Real self-care looks like:

• Going to office hours — I know it’s scary, but your professors are literally paid to help you
• Setting a budget — even if it’s just $50 a week, knowing where your money goes is freedom
• Learning to say “I can’t afford that” without shame — your wallet is not a personality trait
• Getting 7 hours of sleep — not 4, not 10, but 7. Your brain literally cannot function without it

If You’re 23-25 (Young Professional):

Okay, now you’re in the real world and it’s hitting different. You’re dealing with imposter syndrome at work, figuring out health insurance, and wondering if you’re “behind” because your friends are getting engaged while you’re still eating cereal for dinner. Real self-care for you:

• Negotiating your salary — even asking for $2,000 more could change your life trajectory
• Therapy. Not “I’ll think about it.” Actually finding a therapist and going
• Taking your lunch break away from your desk — you are not a machine
• Building a credit score — this is the most boring but important self-care you’ll ever do

The Self-Care Hack Nobody Talks About

Here’s something I wish someone had told me at 19: the most powerful form of self-care is preventative care. Not reactive care. Preventative.

What does that mean? It means doing the hard thing NOW so you don’t have a crisis LATER. It’s checking your oil before your engine blows. It’s going to the dentist before you need a root canal. It’s having the awkward conversation with your partner before resentment builds up for two years.

Most of us wait until we’re in crisis mode to take care of ourselves. We wait until we’re crying in the bathroom at work. We wait until our credit score is in the 500s. We wait until our doctor says “you need to change your lifestyle or else.” That’s not self-care — that’s damage control.

Think about it this way: if you knew your car needed an oil change, would you wait until the engine seized up to do something about it? No. You’d take care of it early because it’s cheaper and easier. Your body, your mind, your finances — they’re the same. Preventative self-care is the most expensive thing you’ll never regret.

How to Build a Self-Care Routine That Actually Sticks

Listen, I know you’ve tried the whole “new year, new me” thing and it lasted approximately 3 days. That’s not your fault. The problem isn’t you — it’s that most self-care advice is designed for people who already have their lives together. You’re trying to build a habit while also dealing with 47 other things on your plate.

Here’s what actually works for women like us — women who are busy, broke, and burnt out:

That’s 15 minutes total. You spend more time scrolling through TikTok in one sitting. This is doable. This is sustainable. And this is the kind of self-care that actually changes your brain chemistry over time.

The Hardest Self-Care Truth I Had to Learn

I’m going to be real with you about something I don’t talk about often. When I was 22, I was in a relationship that was draining me. I knew it was bad. My friends knew it was bad. But I kept doing “self-care” — taking baths, getting massages, buying myself flowers — trying to fill a hole that no amount of pampering could fix.

The real self-care would have been leaving. But I wasn’t ready. So I spent a year and thousands of dollars trying to bubble-bath my way out of a situation that required courage, not candles.

I’m telling you this because I need you to hear it: sometimes the most loving thing you can do for yourself is the thing you’re most afraid of. Breaking up with someone who isn’t right for you. Quitting a job that’s killing your spirit. Cutting off a friend who drains your energy. Going back to school. Moving to a new city. Starting therapy.

That’s real self-care. And it’s hard. But you know what’s harder? Staying in a situation that’s slowly destroying you for five more years.

The Self-Care Checklist You’ll Actually Use

I’m a list girl, so I made you one. Print this out, save it to your phone, or tattoo it on your arm (okay maybe not that last one). But seriously — this is your new self-care standard:

Financial Self-Care:
☐ Checked my bank account this week (even if it’s scary)
☐ Put at least $5 into savings
☐ Said no to something I couldn’t afford

Emotional Self-Care:
☐ Set a boundary with someone
☐ Felt my feelings instead of numbing them with a screen
☐ Talked to someone I trust about something real

Physical Self-Care:
☐ Drank water (not just coffee)
☐ Moved my body for 10 minutes
☐ Went to bed before midnight at least once

Social Self-Care:
☐ Spent time with people who make me feel good
☐ Unfollowed at least one account that made me feel bad about myself
☐ Said no to plans I didn’t want to attend

The Truth Nobody Tells You About Self-Care

Okay, here’s the real tea: self-care is a privilege, and pretending it’s not is dishonest. Not everyone has the time, money, or energy for elaborate routines. If you’re working two jobs, taking care of family, or just barely keeping your head above water, the idea of “self-care Sunday” might feel like a joke.

And that’s okay. Your self-care is going to look different, and that’s valid. Maybe your self-care is choosing the cheaper option at the grocery store so you can save $10. Maybe it’s taking the stairs instead of the elevator because it’s the only movement you got today. Maybe it’s just surviving another day when everything feels heavy.

That counts. That all counts.

So here’s my challenge to you this week: identify one leak in your cup. One thing that’s draining you that you’ve been ignoring. It could be a person, a habit, a job, a mindset. And do one thing — just one — to start fixing it. That’s it. That’s your real self-care for the week.

This is the kind of stuff women talk about inside TechMae every single day. No judgment, just real ones keeping it real. We talk about the hard stuff — the money stress, the family drama, the career confusion, the relationship doubts. And we talk about the real solutions, not the surface-level bandaids.

Related: This post is a must-read for women on their journey. It’s about finding your people when you feel like you don’t fit in anywhere — and trust me, that’s a form of self-care too.

Start Here

I want you to do one thing right now. Not tomorrow, not next week. Right now.

You might also love this article — one of our most shared. It’s about the messy, beautiful process of figuring out who you actually are when you stop trying to be who everyone else wants you to be. Spoiler: that’s also self-care.